4 Jokes For Forever

Standup-Comedy Bits

Updated on: Dec 17 2024

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I got this note that just said "forever." And it made me think about the quest for eternal youth. People are spending a fortune on creams, serums, and treatments to stay forever young. I tried one of those anti-aging creams once. It promised to make me look 10 years younger. Well, it worked—I looked 10 years younger, but I also couldn't move my face for a week.
We're so obsessed with looking young that we're willing to do anything. There are beauty treatments out there that sound like torture devices. "Oh, you want to look young? Sure, just let me stick these needles in your face." I'll stick to growing old gracefully, thank you very much. Forever young is overrated. I'd rather be forever comfortable in my own wrinkles.
So, I got this note that just said "forever." And you know what I thought about? Diets. Yeah, those things are supposed to last forever, right? Every year, it's like, "This is the year I get in shape forever." But then I walk by a bakery, and forever turns into "maybe next year."
I tried one of those fad diets once—the kind where you eat only green things. Do you know how limited the food options are when you're only eating green? I felt like a cow grazing in a field. And let me tell you, forever turns into "I can't live without chocolate" pretty quickly.
They say abs are made in the kitchen. Well, my kitchen must be on strike because my abs are nowhere to be found. I'm starting to think that "forever" in diet terms means the time it takes for you to cheat on your diet. Forever on a diet is like being forever single—sounds good in theory, but in reality, you just want a pizza.
You know, someone gave me a note that just said "forever." Yeah, that's it. Just "forever." And I thought, well, that's a pretty big concept to tackle in comedy. I mean, what's forever, right? I think the only thing that's truly forever is how long it takes for my wife to get ready to go out. Forever is the time it takes for her to decide between two pairs of shoes. I swear, by the time she picks one, I've aged a year.
But seriously, the idea of forever got me thinking. Have you ever been stuck in a conversation that feels like it's going on forever? You're nodding, smiling, but inside you're like, "Please end this now. I've got Netflix waiting for me, and it's not going to watch itself."
And then there's the concept of eternal love. They say true love lasts forever. Well, I've been married for 10 years, and my wife still hasn't forgiven me for forgetting our anniversary three years ago. I guess forever has an expiration date.
I got this note that just said "forever." And it got me thinking about waiting. You ever feel like you spend half your life waiting? Waiting in line, waiting for a text back, waiting for my friend to finally pay me back that ten bucks I lent him three years ago. I'm starting to think that's a loan with a forever repayment plan.
And then there's waiting for technology to catch up with our impatience. I remember the days of dial-up internet. You'd click a link, go make a sandwich, come back, and it's still loading. I thought I had forever to finish that sandwich. Now, if a webpage takes more than three seconds to load, I'm ready to throw my computer out the window.

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