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Parents, let me tell you about the double standards of parenting. If a mom leaves her kids with the grandparents for the weekend, it's a well-deserved break. But when a dad does it, he's irresponsible. "Where's the fatherly instinct? Are you trying to relive your college days, Dave?" And bedtime stories—why is it that when a dad tells a scary bedtime story, it's considered traumatizing, but when a mom does it, she's building character? "Kids, gather around. Let me tell you about the time I met your mother. It was a dark and stormy night..."
I swear, parents should come with a manual, and the manual should include a chapter titled "Double Standards: Because Fairness is Overrated.
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You ever notice how there are these unspoken, invisible double standards in life? Like, if a dog barks at strangers, it's considered normal. But if I do it, suddenly I'm the weird guy at the park. "Oh, look at that strange human, barking at unsuspecting joggers." And what about food? If a baby throws mashed potatoes all over the table, it's considered cute. Try doing that at a fancy restaurant, and suddenly you're not allowed back. "Sir, we appreciate creativity, but we can't have you finger-painting with our truffle oil."
It's like there's this handbook for acceptable behavior, and I missed the memo. "Chapter 7: It's Adorable When They Do It, Weird When You Do."
Seems like the only double standard that works in my favor is when I hit the snooze button five times in the morning. It's called "self-care" when I do it, but if my boss shows up late to a meeting, suddenly it's a problem. "Sorry, Karen, I was practicing self-care. You should try it sometime.
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Who here has been to the gym? Yeah? Ever notice the double standards there? If a guy grunts while lifting weights, it's considered a display of strength. But if a girl does it, suddenly everyone's concerned for her well-being. "Is she okay? Should we call an ambulance?" No, Brenda, she's just lifting weights, not summoning a demon. And let's talk about gym attire. If a guy shows up in a tank top and shorts, it's standard workout gear. But if I try to rock a tank top, suddenly I'm violating the dress code. "Sir, we appreciate your enthusiasm, but this is a family-friendly gym." Oh, I'm sorry, did my biceps offend you?
It's like there's a gym fashion police, and I'm always on their most-wanted list. "Be on the lookout for a guy attempting to do squats in stylish activewear. Approach with caution.
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Let's talk about relationships. Why is it that when a woman remembers every detail of your first date, it's considered sweet, but when a guy does it, it's labeled as creepy? "Oh, you remember what I was wearing? Were you stalking me?" No, Susan, I just have a good memory and a genuine interest in not getting in trouble. And then there's the whole gift-giving scenario. If a guy gets his girlfriend a vacuum cleaner, it's a disaster. "Oh, you think I should be in the kitchen all the time?" But when a woman gives her man a toolset, suddenly she's practical and thoughtful. "I knew you needed a new wrench, babe." Yeah, because nothing says romance like tightening bolts together.
It's like we're playing this relationship game on hard mode, and the rules keep changing without notice. "Today, compliments are encouraged. Tomorrow, only respond in grunts and nods.
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