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Have you ever been told, "You should smile more," but if you tell someone that, suddenly you're invading their personal space? It's like, okay, I'll smile, but if I see one more baby picture on Facebook, we're back to poker faces.
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Ever been stuck behind someone driving slow in the fast lane? They're cruising along like it's a Sunday drive, and you're sitting there contemplating the meaning of life. I swear, they have a secret society with a slow-speed agenda.
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Double standards hit hard when it comes to office snacks. Karen can have her kale chips, but the moment I bring in a bag of gummy bears, suddenly it's a sugar intervention. Let me enjoy my gummy happiness, Karen!
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Double standards in dating are wild. If a guy goes on multiple dates, he's a player. If a girl does it, she's just socializing. So, apparently, my relationship status is directly proportional to my gender.
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It's interesting how eating a salad at lunch is considered healthy, but if I eat a salad at a midnight snack, suddenly I'm the weird one. Like, lettuce has a bedtime, too?
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You ever notice how if a guy wears the same shirt three days in a row, he's practical, but if a girl does it, she's suddenly on the fashion blacklist? I call it laundry efficiency, people!
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When someone cancels plans on me, it's an inconvenience. When I cancel on them, suddenly it's a crime against humanity. I'm just trying to maintain a balanced social calendar, people!
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Have you noticed how if a toddler throws a tantrum in public, it's cute, but if I do it, suddenly it's a problem? I just want to be able to express my emotions without judgment, too.
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You ever notice how when someone takes a really long time to respond to your text, it's patience, but when you take a while, suddenly it's a double standard? I'm just trying to perfect the art of fashionably late texting.
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