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I told my computer it had double standards. Now it only processes data when it feels like it.
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Why did the double standard refuse to participate in a race? It was afraid of taking sides!
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Why did the double standard apply for a job? It heard they offer double the salary!
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What do you call a philosopher who practices double standards? A 'dual'ist!
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What's a double standard's favorite game? Twister, because it loves twisting the truth in different ways!
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Why did the comedian embrace double standards? Because it always gets a laugh, even if it's at its own expense!
Food Double Standards
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Why is it that when a guy eats a whole pizza by himself, he's a legend? But if a girl does it, suddenly it's a concern for her health or she should probably join a competitive eating contest. I mean, come on, I just appreciate a good pizza, okay?
Double Standards at the Gym
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At the gym, there are clear double standards. If she lifts weights, she's a fitness goddess. But if I try the same, suddenly it's a concern for my well-being, and I'm politely redirected to the treadmill. I guess my biceps aren't ready for societal acceptance yet.
Gift Giving Double Standards
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Gift-giving can be tricky. When she buys me a thoughtful gift, it's a testament to her love and consideration. But if I give her a vacuum cleaner, suddenly I'm accused of promoting outdated gender roles. Who knew a Dyson could cause such relationship drama?
The Thermostat Tango
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Let's talk about the thermostat. It's a battleground in every household. If she's cold, I have to turn up the heat. But the moment I'm sweating, I'm told to put on a sweater. It's like I'm in a constant dance with the thermostat, doing the freeze and fry cha-cha.
The Toilet Seat Debate
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Let's settle the toilet seat debate once and for all. If I leave it up, it's a crime against humanity. If she leaves it down, it's just a minor inconvenience. Maybe we need a compromise—hovering halfway between up and down, like a perpetual seesaw of bathroom equality.
Double Standards in Relationships
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You ever notice how in relationships, there are these double standards? Like, if she forgets our anniversary, it's just a simple mistake. But if I forget, oh boy, it's like I just erased her entire existence from the space-time continuum. Suddenly, I'm not forgetful; I'm a threat to the fabric of reality.
Social Media Standards
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Have you noticed the double standards on social media? If I post a selfie, I'm deemed self-absorbed. If she posts a selfie, it's an empowering act of self-love. I guess the key is to add a motivational quote under my next selfie, like, Just embracing my inner narcissist for personal growth.
The Remote Control War
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In my house, the TV remote is like the Excalibur of the living room. If she has it, it's a democratic decision on what to watch. But the moment I grab it, I'm accused of instituting a dictatorship. Apparently, my idea of a movie night is too totalitarian.
Shopping Double Standards
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Shopping with women is like navigating a minefield. If I take too long in the electronics section, it's an issue. But when she spends hours in the shoe department, suddenly it's a cultural experience. I'm just saying, my fascination with gadgets is just as valid.
Fashion Double Standards
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Let's talk about fashion. Women can wear their boyfriend's oversized shirts and suddenly, it's cute and trendy. But the moment I try to squeeze into my girlfriend's skinny jeans, I'm destroying fashion and shouldn't be allowed near denim ever again. Double standards, anyone?
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