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I tried to impress my doorman once by carrying all my groceries in one trip. He just looked at me and said, "You're not impressing anyone; you're just avoiding a second elevator ride.
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Doormen are the kings of small talk. They can take the weather and turn it into a full-blown conversation. "Nice day, huh?" quickly turns into a 10-minute discussion about global warming.
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My doorman is the only person who knows how often I order takeout. I walked in with a pizza the other day, and he said, "Back to your gourmet cooking, I see.
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I told my doorman I was going to start working out more. He just raised an eyebrow and said, "Sure, you are. I'll believe it when I see it. I've seen your gym bag collect dust for months.
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I asked my doorman if he's ever thought about writing a book with all the stories he must have. He said, "Nah, I'd have to call it 'The Chronicles of Lost Keys and Awkward Elevator Silence.'
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I asked my doorman if he ever gets bored sitting there all day. He said, "Nah, it's like a live soap opera. I've got drama, comedy, and the occasional romance—all in a day's work.
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I asked my doorman if he's ever caught anyone trying to sneak in without a key. He goes, "Oh yeah, I've seen people pull some Mission: Impossible moves. But, buddy, this is a studio apartment building, not a secret government facility.
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My doorman is basically my unofficial life coach. I come home late, and he gives me that look like, "Really? Again? Maybe consider a night in, buddy.
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My doorman once asked me if I had a spare key for emergencies. I said, "Sure, it's hidden under a potted plant." He just laughed and said, "Good luck finding that when you're locked out and it's pouring rain.
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