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You ever notice how dolls can be downright creepy? I mean, my friend gave me this antique doll named Dolly, and I swear it's possessed or something. I wake up in the middle of the night, and there it is, staring at me with those soulless eyes. I'm starting to think it's got a vendetta against me. I tried hiding it in the closet, but the next morning, it's sitting at the foot of my bed, like it's saying, "You can't escape me!" And don't get me started on the rumors about haunted dolls. Apparently, they can move on their own. But Dolly here takes it to the next level; she rearranges my furniture! I walked into my living room, and suddenly, the coffee table is on the ceiling, and the couch is doing a handstand. I asked Dolly what's going on, but she just gives me that blank, porcelain stare. I think she's plotting something, folks. I'm living in a real-life horror movie, and Dolly's the star.
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Living with Dolly is like having a tiny, demanding roommate. She's got this list of things she wants, and if I don't comply, I wake up to find my socks missing or my toothpaste replaced with mayonnaise. Yeah, thanks for that, Dolly. I tried to reason with her, asking what she wants. She just points to the notes that came with her. Apparently, she's got a ghostwriter. Who knew dolls had literary aspirations? I'm thinking of starting a support group for people haunted by overachieving dolls. We can meet in a circle and share our stories, like, "Today, Dolly demanded a foot massage. What's next, a spa day?
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The other night, I couldn't sleep, so I decided to have a little dance party in my living room. I put on some music, started grooving, and then I noticed Dolly on the shelf, just watching me. Now, I'm no expert, but I'm pretty sure dolls aren't known for their dance moves. Dolly, on the other hand, was attempting some sort of eerie interpretive dance. It was like a scene from a horror movie crossed with "Dancing with the Stars." I tried to join in, thinking maybe this is Dolly's hidden talent. But every time I tried to dance with her, she'd give me this disapproving look, like, "Seriously, this is the best you can do?" I never thought I'd get judged by a doll at my own dance party. Dolly, the Simon Cowell of the supernatural dance floor.
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So, I thought I'd spice up my love life, and I asked Dolly for some dating advice. Yeah, I know, asking a doll for relationship tips—what could go wrong, right? But Dolly's a confident little thing. She told me, "If you want to impress someone, wear a suit." So, I took her advice and showed up to a casual coffee date in a full-on tuxedo. My date's face was a mix of confusion and amusement. I looked like I was headed to prom, not a coffee shop. Thanks, Dolly. But the real kicker was when Dolly suggested I bring flowers. So, I show up with this extravagant bouquet, and my date looks at me like I'm about to propose. I felt like I was in a romantic comedy, but not the good kind—the awkward, cringe-worthy kind. Dolly might be great at haunting, but her dating advice is straight out of a surreal sitcom.
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