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Captivity has evolved. It used to be about kings and queens in castles, but now it's about trying to find a Wi-Fi signal in every nook and cranny of your own house. "I just want to binge-watch in peace, why is the Wi-Fi hiding from me?
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Captivity is when you're in a meeting that could've been an email, and you start contemplating the meaning of life just to pass the time. "If I discover the purpose of existence, will this meeting end sooner?
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Have you ever noticed how our pets probably think we're in captivity too? They see us leaving every day, and they're like, "Man, when is this human going to be released from their daily confinement?
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You know you're in captivity when the highlight of your day is finding a parking spot close to the grocery store entrance. It's the little victories, like "Oh, only 20 feet of captivity today!
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We voluntarily put ourselves in captivity every time we get stuck in a traffic jam. It's like, "Sure, I'll just sit in my car for an extra hour, because who needs freedom of movement anyway?
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The true test of captivity is when your phone battery is about to die, and you start panicking like you're in some low-budget survival movie. "How will I survive without Instagram for the next 30 minutes?
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Captivity is like the modern adult version of hide and seek. Except instead of hiding behind the curtains, we hide our true feelings behind our work emails. "I'm fine, just buried in reports – not emotionally unstable at all!
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You ever notice how we willingly enter captivity every day? I mean, the office is like a voluntary prison. "Sure, I'll spend eight hours in this tiny cubicle. Why not throw in some shackles and a ball and chain for good measure?
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Captivity is when you look forward to the weekend, but then you spend half of it doing chores and the other half wondering where the weekend went. "Ah, the sweet taste of captivity with a side of laundry.
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