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Average Speed Yoga
When your yoga instructor insists on an "average speed" class, and you're just trying not to fall asleep.
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My yoga instructor told me, "Inhale slowly, exhale even more slowly." I'm pretty sure my breath is on strike, demanding better working conditions.
Speed Dating Snails
When you try speed dating but end up with snails as your only matches.
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At speed dating, a snail asked me, "What's your hurry in life?" I said, "Well, I was hoping to find a relationship before the next ice age.
Driving Miss Speedy
When your car thinks you're in a relationship, but you're just stuck in traffic.
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My car is always judging me. It has this passive-aggressive feature. Every time I accelerate too fast, it gives me the silent treatment. I'm like, "Come on, car, it's called 'average speed,' not 'boring speed.'
The Tortoise's GPS
When your GPS judges your speed because it's secretly a tortoise.
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I asked my GPS for the quickest route, and it responded, "Do you have a few days?" I think it's planning a sightseeing tour rather than a commute.
The Speed of Lightbulb Moments
When your brilliant ideas have an average speed, but you're still waiting for the "Eureka" to kick in.
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I tried speed brainstorming, but my thoughts were like, "Let's take it slow, we're not in a rush to be geniuses." I guess my mind prefers the scenic route to creativity.
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