17 Jokes For Astro

Puns

Updated on: Jun 28 2024

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How does an astronaut cut his hair? Eclipse it!
What did one astronaut say to the other before launch? 'Orbit you glad we're friends!
Why don't aliens ever tell secrets? Because they always come out in the probe!
Why did the sun go to school? It wanted to be a little brighter!
What's an astronaut's favorite chocolate? Mars bars!
How does the solar system keep its pants up? With an asteroid belt!
How do you know when the moon is going broke? When it's down to its last quarter!

Universe's Got Jokes

Ever noticed how retrograde planets always bring chaos? I mean, I wish the universe would throw in a free pizza for everyone retrograde once in a while. I'd believe in astrology then!

Starry-Eyed Expectations

They say the stars hold our destiny. Well, my stars must be on vacation because I'm pretty sure they forgot to send me the memo on winning the lottery!

When Planets Collide

I read somewhere that the alignment of planets affects our love lives. I mean, if that's true, blame Venus retrograde for my last breakup! Not my inability to remember anniversaries, of course.

Mercury Madness

Mercury retrograde? More like Mercury roller coaster! Last time it happened, I lost my keys, my phone died, and my microwave started talking to me in Morse code. I think it was suggesting pizza.

The Zodiac Woes

I'm a Libra. Supposedly, it means I'm balanced and diplomatic. But I've been trying to decide what to have for dinner for the past two hours. I can't even balance my own hunger!

Cosmic Confusion

I attempted stargazing last night. Spent an hour trying to differentiate between a constellation and a plane. Let's just say, I made a wish on a Boeing 747!

Celestial Circus

I'm not saying I'm skeptical about astrology, but every time I check my horoscope, it's like reading a menu I can't afford. Today, you'll meet someone special. Yeah, right, the only person I met today was the mailman.

Star Sign Struggles

I dated someone who was really into astrology. They broke up with me because our star signs apparently clashed. Who knew my Zodiac sign needed to go on a date as well?

Constellation Conundrum

I tried to impress someone by pointing out constellations. Turns out, mixing up Orion's Belt with a sauce recipe wasn't exactly what they had in mind for a romantic evening. Who knew stars didn't pair well with marinara sauce?

Astro Antics

You know, I tried getting into astrology once. I went to this astrologer, and she looked at my birth chart and said, Wow, you're destined to be broke. I said, That's not a prediction, that's my current reality!

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