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So, I saw this list of "adults quotes" the other day. You know, those inspirational quotes meant to guide us through the murky waters of adulthood. One of them said, "Follow your dreams, but also follow your bills because they won't pay themselves." Well, thanks for the advice, Captain Obvious. I didn't realize my dreams needed a financial planner. And then there's the classic, "Age is just a number." Yeah, tell that to my knees every time I try to stand up after sitting for more than 10 minutes. My knees are like, "Age may be just a number, but we've got a lot of complaints filed in the joint department.
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You ever notice how adulthood comes with all these unspoken rules? Like, nobody tells you, but suddenly you're supposed to know how to fold a fitted sheet. I'm over here treating it like a complicated origami project. There should be a class for that in school. "Welcome to Adulting 101: Fitted Sheets and Other Mysteries." And can we talk about the pressure to have a signature dish? Apparently, it's not enough to feed yourself; you need a go-to meal that makes you look like a culinary genius. Well, my signature dish is called "Reservations.
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You know, they say adulthood is like looking both ways before crossing the street and then getting hit by an airplane. I mean, who came up with that? Clearly, they never had to deal with adulting. It's like, congratulations, you're an adult now. Here's your bills, back pain, and a constant feeling of existential dread. I tried to adult the other day. I really did. I went to buy furniture, and the salesperson asked me if I wanted a coffee table. I said, "No thanks, I prefer to balance my coffee on the edge of anxiety and regret."
Being an adult is all about making decisions. Like, do I buy organic vegetables and feel good about myself, or do I buy the regular ones and have money left to buy chocolate to cope with the fact that I'm eating vegetables?
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They say adulthood is all about freedom, but it's more like, "Congratulations, you're free to choose between laundry and dishes." And don't get me started on the illusion of free time. Every time I think I have a free evening, my to-do list laughs at me like, "You thought." And the whole idea of a work-life balance? It's more like a work-work balance. You work for a living, and then you work to convince yourself that you have a life.
So, here's to adulthood, where the only thing getting lighter is your wallet. Cheers!
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