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I knew someone who claimed their depression was like a pet rock. I was like, "Really? A pet rock? Because last time I checked, pet rocks don't come with a subscription to therapy and a list of coping mechanisms.
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Depression is like a reverse superhero. Instead of saving the day, it's there to remind you that life is like a Marvel movie, and sometimes the plot gets really dark before the epic comeback.
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If depressed people had their own Olympic sport, it would be competitive napping. I can imagine the commentator saying, "And here comes John, attempting the triple snooze with a perfect dismount into the abyss of his own thoughts. Judges, what do we think?
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Depressed people are like onions. No, not because they make you cry, but because there are so many layers. You peel one layer, thinking you've got it all figured out, and then there's another layer that's like, "Surprise, I'm a complex emotional casserole!
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Depressed people and GPS systems have something in common. They both constantly recalculate. You ask a depressed person, "Hey, what's your plan for the weekend?" and they're like, "Well, I was thinking of staying in bed, but let me recalculate and get back to you.
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Depressed people are the true minimalists. They've mastered the art of having a low emotional footprint. It's like they've Marie Kondo'd their feelings, and now all that's left is the joy of existential dread.
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I have a friend who's so good at hiding their depression that I call them the James Bond of sadness. They can be at a party, smiling and making small talk, but inside, they're probably thinking, "This is my third mission today, and I just want to retire to my emotional beach house.
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Depression is like a silent ninja. You never see it coming, and suddenly it's there, lurking in the shadows. It's like, "Oh, we're having a great day, and bam! Depression drops down from the ceiling, throwing emotional shurikens at you.
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You ever notice how depressed people are like smartphones with low batteries? You never know when they're going to suddenly shut down, and you're just left there wondering, "Did they forget to charge overnight or is it a deeper software issue?
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