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You know, they say there's an app for everything these days. There's an app to find your soulmate, an app to track your calories, an app to tell you when to drink water. But what about an app for people without friends? I can see it now, "Lonely Left Swipe" or "Solo Social." You'd be swiping right on someone's profile picture thinking, "This person looks like they have zero social life, just like me!" But then you realize, if they're on the app, they're probably at home swiping right too. It's like a never-ending loop of loneliness. "Congratulations! You've matched with someone equally friendless. Now what? Oh, you're both introverts? Perfect, enjoy the silence together.
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You ever notice how people without friends always have the weirdest group photos? It's like they grabbed a bunch of strangers on the street and said, "Hey, pretend to be my friends for this picture." You can spot them a mile away. It's always that one person with a forced smile standing next to the inflatable flamingo in a kiddie pool. And the caption? "Just a casual day with the squad." Oh, really? Your squad looks more like a hostage situation. I imagine their camera roll is just a series of failed attempts at looking popular. "No, Dave, you can't just Photoshop yourself into a Taylor Swift concert crowd and call them your concert buddies.
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You ever get so desperate for plans that you start inviting yourself to things? People without friends are the masters of this. "Oh, you're going to a party on Saturday? Mind if I join?" It's like they're auditioning for the role of the uninvited guest. And when they show up, they're so over-prepared. They bring extra snacks, wear a party hat, and act like they've known you for years. "Remember that time we went to kindergarten together? No? Well, we do now!" It's like they have a PhD in crashing social events. "Oh, you're having a family reunion? Surprise! I'm your long-lost cousin from the distant land of Awkwardland.
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You know, people without friends have the most creative imaginations. They've mastered the art of having imaginary friends. It's like an exclusive club, and they're the president, vice president, secretary, and treasurer. They throw parties in their mind and have deep conversations with their imaginary buddies. "Oh, you're hanging out with Jake and Emily this weekend? Well, I'm having a rooftop barbecue with Captain Banana and Professor Pillow. You're missing out." They've got this whole alternate social life going on in their heads. I bet they've even invented their own secret handshake. "Hey, you wanna join the Imaginary Friends Club? Oh, you can't see them? Well, neither can I, but trust me, they're awesome!
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