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The Serial Canceler
I've mastered the art of canceling plans before they even exist.
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I told my friend I'd love to go to his party, but my plant has a dentist appointment that day. It's a tough choice between socializing and ensuring my ficus has good oral hygiene.
The Social Media Loner
Constantly refreshing my social media feeds, but no one's refreshing my life.
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My idea of a party is changing the Wi-Fi password and not telling anyone. That way, at least I can be the king of my own internet.
The Friendless Foodie
My idea of a foodie adventure is trying to finish a family-sized pizza by myself.
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I tried a new recipe the other day, and it said, "Serves 4." I chuckled and thought, "Yeah, right. Serves 4... me, myself, I, and my imaginary friend who never shows up.
The Unofficial Netflix Critic
I've watched so many shows alone that I'm considering submitting my reviews to Rotten Tomatoes.
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People talk about watching shows together, but I'm at the level where I'm watching behind-the-scenes interviews to feel like I'm part of the cast. My couch is my green room, and my snacks are my co-stars.
The Third Wheel Specialist
I've become so good at being the third wheel that I'm considering opening a tricycle rental business.
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I'm so used to being the third wheel that I've developed a talent for picking up on subtle signals. Like when the couple starts speaking in Morse code with their eyes, it's time for me to excuse myself and find some solo adventure.
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