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You know you're unloved when even your pet fish looks at you like, "I don't know, man, maybe you should get a dog. I've seen 'Marley and Me,' we could use some excitement around here.
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My bed is my one true love. It's always there for me, never talks back, and has no interest in my Netflix choices. Honestly, it's the best relationship I've ever had.
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The closest I get to a hug is when I accidentally bump into someone at the grocery store, and we both do that awkward, "Oh, excuse me, but let's linger for a moment because human contact is rare.
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I tried talking to my plants to feel the love, but they're the strong, silent types. I water them, they stay quiet; I compliment them, still no response. Maybe I need a more emotionally expressive fern.
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You ever feel like your phone is the only thing that lights up when you walk into a room? I mean, if it had arms, it would probably give you a standing ovation just for showing up.
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I signed up for a dating app, and the only match I got was with my own reflection. Apparently, even the algorithm thinks I'm my best option.
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I asked Siri if anyone loves me, and she said, "I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch that." Even my virtual assistant is avoiding the question.
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The only "good morning" text I get is from my phone company, reminding me to pay my bill. It's like, "Thanks for the wake-up call, but I was hoping for a different kind of morning love.
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I bought a plant to add some life to my apartment, but it turns out I'm so bad at keeping things alive that even the plastic plant is wilting. It's like, "Come on, man, I'm not asking for much—just a little bit of love and water.
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