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Have you ever tried parallel parking a new car? It's like performing surgery with your eyes closed. You nudge in, pull out, adjust, and repeat until the entire street hates you. Thank you, modern technology, for the backup camera - my savior in the war against tight parking spots.
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Why do they make the buttons on the car dashboard so tiny? I feel like I'm participating in a thumb-wrestling tournament every time I want to adjust the air conditioning. Can we get a magnifying glass with the owner's manual, please?
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I swear, the car salesman made it sound like my new car was going to turn into a Transformer and fight crime. But, in reality, it's more like it transforms into a trash bin after just one road trip with my friends.
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They say the average person spends about 4 years of their life in a car. Well, with my new car, I'm pretty sure I'll spend at least half of that time searching for where I parked it. It's like playing hide-and-seek with a 2-ton metal beast.
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You ever notice how the new car smell is basically the automotive version of that one friend who wears too much cologne? You get in, and suddenly you're like, "Is this a car or a perfume aisle?
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The first time someone asks for a ride in your new car, it's like being the coolest kid in school. The fifth time? It's more like being a budget Uber driver without the ratings. "No, I won't wait for you while you run into the store. My meter's ticking, buddy!
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You ever notice how, in the car commercials, people are always driving on these picturesque empty roads? In reality, it's more like driving in rush hour traffic while simultaneously juggling your coffee, GPS, and trying not to spill your fries.
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Getting a new car is like adopting a pet. You name it, talk to it, and occasionally give it treats (in the form of premium gas). Just don't be surprised if, one day, it starts barking at you to remind you to put on your seatbelt.
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You know your car is too high-tech when you accidentally trigger the voice command system, and suddenly Siri, Alexa, and Google are all arguing over who gets to assist you. It's like having a backseat full of tech support arguing about your life choices.
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