bestTrending Topics
Joke Types
0
0
Why did the massage therapist go to art school? They wanted to knead a masterpiece!
0
0
Why did the grape go to the massage therapist? It was feeling a bit 'wine'y!
0
0
Why did the masseuse break up with their significant other? They needed more space!
0
0
What do you call a bear getting a massage? A bear-handed approach to relaxation!
0
0
Why did the massage therapist bring a flashlight to work? They needed to find the 'knot' in the dark!
0
0
What did the massage therapist say to the stressed-out rock? 'Let's work out those sedimentary layers!
0
0
Why did the massage therapist bring a ladder to work? To reach higher knots and aspirations!
0
0
What did the massage therapist say to the stressed-out vegetable? 'Lettuce knead out that tension!
0
0
Why did the skeleton go to the massage therapist? To get a little backbone!
0
0
Why did the massage therapist bring a map to work? To find the pressure points!
Knot Your Average Spa Day
0
0
You know, I recently treated myself to a massage. I thought, Ah, this is gonna be great! Relaxation, tranquility, maybe some Enya playing softly in the background. But no, folks, I walked in, and the masseuse looked at me like she was about to knead dough. I had knots in my back; she treated them like she was trying to start a lawnmower.
Swedish or WrestleMania?
0
0
So, I asked for a Swedish massage. You know, the gentle, soothing one. But halfway through, I felt like I was in the ring at WrestleMania. I'm pretty sure my masseuse was auditioning for the next WWE superstar. At one point, I was just waiting for her to tag in another masseuse for a tag team match.
The Whisperer
0
0
Why do massage therapists insist on whispering during the session? I mean, are they afraid my knots will overhear their secret technique plans? Psst, left trapezius, brace yourself, I'm going in for the deep tissue move. I'm lying there, trying not to giggle because it feels like I'm part of an underground massage spy operation.
Massage, or MMA?
0
0
I asked for a deep tissue massage, not an MMA spar. I mean, the only thing missing was the referee counting to ten. I was waiting for the masseuse to shout, Finish him! as she applied some ancient, bone-crushing technique.
Massage or Mosh Pit?
0
0
I asked for a relaxing massage, not an invitation to a mosh pit. I felt like I was crowd-surfing on a sea of massage oil. At one point, I was pretty sure the masseuse shouted, Everybody jump! and I was the only one jumping.
The Elusive Comfort Level
0
0
They always ask, Is the pressure okay? I never know how to answer that. What am I supposed to say? Well, it feels like you're reenacting a scene from '300' on my back, but sure, let's crank it up a bit. Finding the right comfort level in a massage is like trying to solve a Rubik's Cube blindfolded.
Musical Massage Chairs
0
0
You ever notice how massage chairs sound like a robot with indigestion? I swear, I thought I was at a symphony of flatulent androids. It's like a high-tech version of musical chairs, but instead of musical chairs, it's musical massage chairs, and the music is a series of strange mechanical groans.
When Relaxation Turns Awkward
0
0
There's always that awkward moment when the masseuse asks you to turn over. Do you make eye contact? Do you go for a casual How's the weather? conversation? I usually end up feeling like a human pancake on a griddle, trying to maintain my dignity while not accidentally exposing any body parts.
Post-Massage Confusion
0
0
After a massage, I always feel like I've just been through a time warp. I walk out, and suddenly, I'm disoriented, trying to remember where I parked, what day it is, and if I still have a spine. It's like my muscles are on vacation while the rest of me is stuck in a post-massage haze.
Post a Comment