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The Paranoid Massage Recipient
Convinced the masseuse is judging every inch of their body
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They say a massage is a judgment-free zone, but I'm pretty sure my masseuse is giving my calves the side-eye. I wanted a relaxing experience, not a body image consultation!
The Zen Master Masseur
Struggling to maintain a peaceful ambiance
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The Zen master told me to focus on my breathing. I'm trying to relax, and he's like, "Breathe in tranquility, exhale negativity." I'm thinking, "Can I also exhale the weird whale sounds you're making?
The Overly Enthusiastic Masseuse
Struggling to keep it professional
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At one point, she asked, "How's the pressure?" I said, "It's good, but I didn't sign up for the 'Life-Flashing-Before-Your-Eyes' massage package. Ease up!
The Time-Challenged Masseuse
Trying to finish the massage within record time
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The masseuse said, "We're all about efficiency here." I'm lying there, wondering if they had an assembly line for massages. Are they timing this with a stopwatch? "Next! Shoulders! Go, go, go!
The Social Media Addict Masseuse
Balancing between massaging and maintaining their online presence
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The masseuse said, "I'm building my brand." I'm not sure if I went for a massage or a brand partnership. I left with a relaxed body and tagged in a social media post. Mission accomplished, I guess?
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