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It's amazing how a massage therapist can find knots in your back that you didn't even know existed. I'm convinced they have a sixth sense for locating tension, like a human stress detector. "Ah, yes, right here is where you're hiding all your deadlines and awkward social interactions.
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Massages are the adult version of being swaddled like a baby. I'm lying there, wrapped in a sheet, thinking, "This is the closest I'll get to feeling like a burrito with benefits.
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Getting a massage is the only time I wish my body had a snooze button. The therapist is doing their thing, and I'm just thinking, "Can we hit pause on the knots for a few more minutes, please?
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You ever notice how massage tables are the only acceptable place to trust a complete stranger with your life? I'm lying there, thinking, "This person has the power to either relax me or turn me into a human pretzel. Let's hope it's the former.
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Massages are like magic spells for your muscles. You lie down, and the massage therapist starts chanting, "Knotus Disappearus!" Suddenly, all your stress disappears, and you're left wondering if they secretly have a wand hidden under that massage table.
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You ever notice how getting a massage is like ordering takeout for your muscles? "Yeah, can I get the deep tissue combo with extra attention to the knots, please? And throw in some relaxation on the side.
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The worst part of getting a massage is the internal debate about whether your stomach is going to behave. It's like a game of Russian roulette, but instead of bullets, it's embarrassing stomach noises. "Will it growl peacefully or unleash a symphony of awkwardness? Let's find out.
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Getting a massage is the only time it's socially acceptable to be completely silent in a dimly lit room with a stranger. If I did that in an elevator, people would think I'm auditioning for a role in a horror movie.
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Massages are the adult version of a lullaby. Instead of being sung to sleep, you're kneaded into relaxation. I half-expect the therapist to start humming, "Rock-a-bye stress, on the massage bed top. When the knots break, the stress will stop.
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