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Why did the scarecrow become a successful motivational speaker? His speeches were longer than the cornfield!
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Why did the belt get arrested? It was holding up a pair of pants that were longer than the law allows.
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Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two-tired of standing up for longer than five minutes!
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Why did the math book take a long time to finish? It had too many problems!
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Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing and realized it forgot to pack its lunch—it's going to be a longer day!
Shorter Than My Patience
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You know, waiting in line at the DMV is shorter than the time it takes for my computer to update! I swear, by the time it's done, I've aged longer than a time-traveling tortoise.
The Legal Document Was Longer Than My Bedtime Story
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I had to read this legal document the other day. Let me tell you, it was longer than the bedtime stories I tell my niece. By the time I reached the end, I was expecting a moral lesson and a goodnight kiss from the lawyer!
A CVS Receipt Is Longer Than My Future Plans
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Have you ever bought a pack of gum at CVS and received a receipt longer than a CVS aisle? I swear, that thing lists more items than my plans for the next five years combined!
My Doctor's Waiting Room Feels Longer Than a Time Machine Experiment
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You know you're in for a long wait when your doctor's waiting room feels longer than an experiment with a time machine. I'm pretty sure I saw a family of four evolve into a family of eight while I was sitting there!
The Wait for My Pizza Delivery Is Longer Than the Stone Age
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Waiting for my pizza delivery feels like an eternity! I mean, come on, the Stone Age probably ended quicker than the time it takes for that delivery guy to find my house.
My To-Do List Is Longer Than My Attention Span
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I have a to-do list that's longer than the line at a Black Friday sale! I start reading it and by the time I'm halfway through, I've already forgotten what the first task was. It's longer than my attention span!
The End Credits Were Longer Than My Patience
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I watched a movie the other day, and let me tell you, the end credits were longer than the film itself! By the time they finished rolling, I'd aged more than the actors in the movie.
My Commute Feels Longer Than a Marathon
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My commute to work feels longer than a marathon. I'm telling you, by the time I arrive, I'm more exhausted than the runners crossing the finish line. And no medal, just a lousy cup of office coffee waiting for me.
The Grocery Line Is Longer Than My List
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You think making a grocery list is tedious? Try standing in line behind someone with a cart longer than the aisle itself! By the time I'm done waiting, I could've grown my own vegetables in the checkout line.
The Wait at the DMV Is Longer Than My Last Relationship
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You think relationships are long? Try waiting at the DMV! I've spent more time sitting there waiting for my number to be called than I did in my last relationship. At least at the DMV, I got a new license. Can't say the same for my ex.
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