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Joke Types
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What did the mascara say to the eyelash during a breakup? 'I'll never get over you!
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What did one eyelash say to the other after a long day? 'I'm really wiped out!
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What did the eyelash say to the mascara when it forgot to put it on? 'You really let me down!
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What did the eyelash say to the mascara? 'You really know how to make me stand out!
Lashes in the Wind
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I tried going for that glamorous look with super long lashes. Everything was fine until I walked outside on a windy day. My lashes had more airtime than a kite at a summer festival. I was just standing there, hoping my lashes wouldn't fly me away like Mary Poppins on a beauty binge.
Lashes and GPS
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You ever notice how getting directions from GPS is like having a passive-aggressive backseat driver with commitment issues? It's like, In 500 feet, turn left... or don't, I don't care, it's your life. Meanwhile, my GPS voice has more attitude than my last breakup. I swear, if my GPS had eyelashes, they'd be rolling every time I miss a turn.
Lash Philosophy
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I've come to the conclusion that life is a lot like mascara – it's messy, it clumps up sometimes, and if you don't handle it carefully, it'll end up all over your face. So, remember, folks, embrace the mess, wipe away the excess, and keep batting those lashes at whatever life throws your way.
Lash Sermons
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My friend dragged me to this intense motivational seminar. The speaker was all about finding your inner strength and power. I thought it was going great until they started talking about the power of lashes. Apparently, longer lashes equate to higher self-esteem. I'm just waiting for the day I see someone giving a TED Talk titled Lash Sermons: Blink Your Way to Success.
Lash Extensions and Life Goals
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I recently tried those lash extensions to give my eyes that extra oomph. I thought it would make me look more put together, you know, like I have my life together. Turns out, all it did was raise the stakes for my daily struggles. Now, every time I accidentally hit the snooze button instead of the alarm, my lashes are there, judging me like, Really? This is the person setting life goals?
Lash Logic
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You ever notice how we have this weird double standard with lashes? If a guy has long lashes, he's praised for his natural beauty. But if a girl has long lashes, everyone assumes she's trying too hard. What's the logic there? It's like, Oh, look at him with those gorgeous lashes. He must have been born with it. But me? I'm over here gluing on falsies like a construction worker building a skyscraper.
Lash Memories
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They say the eyes are the windows to the soul. Well, my lashes are like the curtains – they've seen some things. Every time I look in the mirror, it's like my lashes are holding up cue cards of my past mistakes. It's a daily reminder that I should have thought twice before attempting to cut my own bangs.
Lash Love Advice
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Relationship advice is tricky. My friend once told me, Love is like mascara. It makes everything better. Well, I tried that, and let me tell you, it doesn't work. Love is more like waterproof mascara – it might survive the storm, but good luck getting it off when things go south.
Lash Emergency
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You ever have one of those days when everything goes wrong, and you just want to crawl into bed and forget about it? Well, imagine having an eyelash emergency on top of that. It's like, Sorry, world, I can't adult today. My lashes are having a meltdown, and I need to attend to this crisis.
Lash Fitness
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I decided to take up a new fitness routine – eyelash curls. I figure, if I'm going to put effort into anything, it might as well be my lashes. It's a great workout, you know? Five reps of curling, ten reps of mascara application, and by the end, I feel like I've accomplished something. Who needs the gym when you have a makeup bag?
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