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The whole "innocent until proven guilty" thing is great, but have you ever noticed how judges have this skeptical eyebrow raise that says, "Yeah, right"? It's like they've mastered the art of silently judging you while maintaining an air of impartiality.
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Judges have this amazing talent for using big, fancy words that none of us understand. I feel like I'm in a spelling bee every time I step into a courtroom. "Your Honor, can you use 'supercalifragilisticexpialidocious' in a sentence?" Watch them nail it without missing a beat.
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Judges have to listen to a lot of legal jargon and arguments all day. I bet they go home and, when their friends ask how their day was, they just say, "Objection! Sustained!" It's their way of shutting down any boring conversation.
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Judges have those long, official-looking robes that make them seem wise and all-knowing. I tried wearing a bathrobe to work once, thinking it would bring a sense of authority to my job. Turns out, people just thought I overslept and forgot to change.
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I've always wondered if judges secretly practice their serious faces in front of the mirror. Like, do they stand there rehearsing, "You are in contempt of court" with the perfect stern expression? Or do they just naturally wake up looking like they've been judging people in their sleep?
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You ever notice how judges get to wear those massive, fancy collars that look like they're about to break into a Shakespearean soliloquy? I tried wearing one to a job interview, thinking it would make me seem wise and authoritative. They just asked if I accidentally grabbed my pet's Elizabethan collar.
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Have you ever tried to make eye contact with a judge during a trial? It's like playing a high-stakes game of staring contest. I always end up blinking first and then convince myself they gave me a harsher sentence because of it. Note to self: work on courtroom staring skills.
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You ever notice how judges manage to keep a straight face during some ridiculous court cases? I mean, imagine trying not to burst into laughter while someone is arguing about the proper way to eat a burrito. "Your Honor, I submit Exhibit A – guacamole on the face!
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You ever notice how judges always look so serious in court? Like, they're about to drop the hottest verdict of the year. I mean, if I had to wear that much black and a powdered wig, I'd be grumpy too. Maybe they just need a fashion consultant instead of a gavel.
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Judges have this incredible ability to bang a gavel and maintain order in the courtroom. I tried banging a gavel at home once to settle an argument with my roommate, but all it did was crack the table and make things even more chaotic. Maybe I need a robe too for the full effect.
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