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John McCain was a fan of town hall meetings. Meanwhile, I can't even handle the pressure of deciding between paper or plastic at the grocery store. "What do you mean, it's a life-altering decision? I just want to carry my cereal home securely!
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McCain was a POW in Vietnam, and I can't even handle a delayed flight without turning into a grumpy survivalist. "Sorry, Susan, we're out of peanuts. Looks like we're resorting to in-flight magazine cuisine.
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John McCain was known for his bipartisan efforts. I mean, in today's politics, being friends with someone from the other party is like having a unicorn as your roommate. Sure, it sounds cool, but good luck finding common ground on pizza toppings.
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John McCain was a war hero and a senator. I can't even make it through a Monday without feeling like I deserve a medal. "Survived another round of office small talk – give this person a Purple Heart!
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You know you've made it in politics when your name becomes a verb. "I totally John McCain'd that group project at work. I reached across the aisle, and now everyone thinks I'm a maverick.
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John McCain's campaign slogan was "Country First." I admire the sentiment, but let's be real – when I'm at the grocery store, it's more like "Snacks First, Vegetables Maybe Later.
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McCain had a reputation for being a straight talker. I aspire to that level of honesty, but sometimes my attempts at brutal honesty come off more like accidental insults. "No, I didn't mean your baby looks weird; I meant it has a unique facial structure.
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McCain was a pilot, and I can barely navigate the complexities of a self-checkout machine. "Unexpected item in the bagging area – I repeat, unexpected item!
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You ever notice how John McCain's thumbs-up gesture was his signature move? I tried doing that once, and people just thought I was hitchhiking in the middle of a conversation. "No, I don't need a ride; I'm just expressing enthusiastic agreement!
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