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You ever notice how when you're trying to find your TV remote, it's always hiding in the most mysterious places? I found mine the other day in the Bermuda Triangle of my couch cushions. It's like my remote is training for a hide-and-seek championship.
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You know you're an adult when your idea of a wild Friday night is organizing your sock drawer. I measured the success of my weekend by the inches of neatly folded socks. Spoiler alert: It was a thrilling weekend.
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Trying to cut a straight line with scissors is a skill I never mastered. My attempt at a straight line looks like I let a toddler loose with a crayon. Thank goodness they don't make rulers in squiggly shapes.
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Finding a parking spot in a crowded lot is like searching for a needle in a haystack. You think you've struck gold when you find one, only to realize that gold comes with a parking meter and a time limit.
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Grocery store aisles are like the catwalks of indecision. You're there, scrutinizing two brands of cereal for an eternity, wondering if you'll ever make it out without someone suggesting you get the one with extra fiber because it's "life-changing.
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Let's talk about elevators. Why do they have that close button if it's just a placebo? I press it, expecting some turbo-speed action, but the doors close at the same leisurely pace, as if saying, "I'll get to it when I feel like it.
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Trying to find matching socks in my laundry is like participating in a sock-reunion reality show. "Oh, there you are! I thought you went missing at the sock mixer. It's been ages!
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Let's talk about shower curtains. Why are they always just a few inches too short? I feel like I'm auditioning for a horror movie every time I take a shower, with the curtain doing its best impression of a failed superhero cape.
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Ever notice how the ice cream tubs in the freezer have the serving size suggestion? Yeah, right! The serving size is always "inches from the bottom of the tub." My spoon and I have a different interpretation of that guideline.
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