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If you're reading this and wondering why I'm not a baker, it's because my idea of a perfect loaf is the one I buy at the store.
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If you're reading this and wondering why I'm not a poet, it's because rhyming is a crime, and I refuse to be an accomplice!
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If you're reading this and can't find your glasses, they're probably on your head. You're welcome.
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If you're reading this and wondering why I'm not a mind reader, well, that's just not in my book of tricks!
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If you're reading this and expecting a profound life lesson, here it is: Never microwave your phone. It won't improve the signal!
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If you're reading this and wondering why I'm not a pilot, it's because my career took off in a different direction!
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If you're reading this and trying to fold a fitted sheet, congratulations on attempting the impossible!
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If you're reading this and believe that laughter is the best medicine, you clearly haven't tried chocolate!
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If you're reading this and trying to understand women, good luck. I've been married for 10 years and I'm still decoding the manual!
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If you're reading this and wondering why I'm not a chef, it's because my signature dish is 'Reservations'.
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If you're reading this and procrastinating, just remember: Time flies, but you're the pilot!
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