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If you're reading this and can't understand why bicycles fall over, you're two-tired!
If You're Reading This, You Probably Ignored the Terms and Conditions
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Hey, if you're reading this, congratulations! You're one of the rare individuals who actually scrolled past the I Agree button without even glancing at the terms and conditions. I admire your bravery. We've all agreed to give away our firstborns and left kidneys at some point. Good luck explaining that to your future robot overlords.
If You're Reading This, You're Clearly My Stalker's Favorite
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Shoutout to my number one fan, the person who reads everything I write, watches every video I post, and probably knows my social security number. If you're reading this, just know that you're the VIP in my fan club. Send me a signed copy of your scrapbook, won't you?
If You're Reading This, I've Finally Figured Out How to Work the Microwave
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I'm proud to announce that after years of confusion, I can confidently say, if you're reading this, I've successfully mastered the art of microwaving. No more accidentally nuking my leftovers into oblivion or setting the kitchen on fire. It's a small victory, but it's my victory.
If You're Reading This, My Phone's Auto-Correct Is Probably Drunk Again
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I swear, my phone's auto-correct has a more adventurous social life than I do. If you're reading this, just know that ducking and I'm on my way are not phrases I use interchangeably. My apologies for any unintentional comedic gold that may have slipped through the cracks.
If You're Reading This, My Autobiography Must Be Sold Out
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So, folks, apparently, if you're reading this, it means my autobiography is a bestseller. I don't know if it's filled with riveting tales of my adventures or just a detailed account of my struggle to assemble IKEA furniture. Either way, I hope you enjoyed the footnotes on my failed attempts at being an adult.
If You're Reading This, You've Mastered the Art of Stalking on Social Media
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Give it up for the social media detectives in the room! If you're reading this, it means you've gone deep into my timeline, deciphered my cryptic posts, and successfully navigated the labyrinth of my Instagram stories. I'm flattered. Honestly, my mom doesn't even know what I had for breakfast, but you do. You're the real MVP of virtual espionage.
If You're Reading This, You've Survived Another Family Gathering
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Ah, the family gatherings—the only time when pass the gravy transforms into a Shakespearean drama. If you're reading this, congratulations on surviving the awkward questions, unsolicited life advice, and that one relative who insists on playing the accordion during dessert. May your next family reunion be as drama-free as my browser history.
If You're Reading This, You've Successfully Outsmarted My Password Protection
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Kudos to the hacker in the room! If you're reading this, you've cracked the Da Vinci Code of my passwords. I hope you enjoyed scrolling through my collection of cat memes and discovering my secret talent for juggling—virtually, of course.
If You're Reading This, My Doctor Is Still Trying to Decipher My Handwriting
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I recently visited my doctor, and if you're reading this, it means they're still deciphering the hieroglyphics I call handwriting. I wouldn't be surprised if my prescription reads like a treasure map, leading to a pharmacy that only stocks candy and not the medication I actually need.
If You're Reading This, My Cat Has Finally Learned to Type
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I always knew my cat had hidden talents, but this is next level. If you're reading this, it means my feline companion has mastered the keyboard. I can see it now: Whiskers' Guide to World Domination, hitting the shelves soon. The revolution will be led by cats, and I, for one, welcome our new fluffy overlords.
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