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You ever play video games while high? It's like your thumbs have superpowers, and you're convinced you're setting a world record. I played Mario Kart once, and I was so sure I was breaking the speed barrier until I realized I was in last place because I'd been driving in the wrong direction the entire time. And then there's the confidence boost. You think you can conquer any game, so you load up a strategy game and end up sending all your troops into a pit of doom. Your high score turns into a low blow to your gaming ego.
But the real challenge is trying to convince your non-gamer friends that you're a gaming prodigy. You're like, "Oh, I totally beat that boss on the first try," while your friend in the corner is shaking their head because they saw you respawn 20 times.
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You ever notice how the word "high" can really elevate expectations? Like, when someone says, "I'm feeling high," you automatically assume they're on cloud nine, right? But no one ever says, "I'm feeling high" when they're on the top bunk of a bunk bed. I tried it once, and my friend on the bottom bunk just looked up and said, "Dude, you're like three feet off the ground. Get down." And then there's the high expectations we have for technology. I got the latest smartphone, and it's supposed to be high-tech, right? But when I dropped it, it shattered into a million pieces. I thought technology was supposed to defy gravity, not imitate Humpty Dumpty.
Seems like everything these days is supposed to be high-performance. I bought a vacuum cleaner with "high suction power." I turned it on, and it sucked so hard it took my carpet with it. Now my living room has a hardwood floor, courtesy of high-tech cleaning.
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Let's talk about getting high and the munchies. It's like your stomach is on a marathon, and every snack in the kitchen is a checkpoint. You start with a bag of chips, then move on to cookies, and before you know it, you're eating a sandwich made of Pop-Tarts because you're too lazy to make real food. And why is it that when you're high, the simplest things become culinary masterpieces? I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich once, and I swear it tasted like the chef's special at a five-star restaurant. I was savoring every bite like I was a judge on a food competition show.
But then the real challenge is trying to be discreet about your munchies marathon. You think you're being quiet, but everyone in the house can hear you rustling through bags and munching like a raccoon in the trash. The struggle is real.
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You ever meet those people who act high and mighty just because they're a little taller? They're like human giraffes looking down on the rest of us ants. I tried standing on a stool once to level the playing field, but it turns out people don't take you seriously when you're teetering on the edge of a wobbly stool. And let's talk about high heels. Ladies, why do we wear these torture devices? They're like mini stilts for your feet. I wore them once, and I felt so high and mighty until I tripped over a crack in the sidewalk. I went from feeling like a runway model to auditioning for America's Funniest Home Videos in seconds.
Even escalators give you that false sense of superiority. You step onto an escalator, and suddenly you're elevated above the common folk on the stairs. But the real challenge is trying to look dignified when you reach the top and have to gracefully step off like you're on a catwalk.
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