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Harvey decided to join a gym, and he's so committed to getting fit that he bought the latest workout gear. The only exercise he's done so far is lifting the receipt from the shopping spree. He's getting in shape, financially.
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Harvey's attempt at being eco-friendly is using a reusable water bottle, but he fills it with soda. I asked him about it, and he said, "Well, it's still a liquid, right?" Harvey's contribution to saving the planet is a bit fizzier than expected.
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You ever notice how the name "Harvey" is like a secret code for someone who's pretending to understand what you're saying? You start explaining something, and they just nod and go, "Oh, yeah, Harvey totally gets it.
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Harvey told me he's on a new diet where he only eats what he can spell. Now, every meal is just a staring contest with his alphabet soup. Poor Harvey, he's still trying to figure out what "quinoa" is.
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Harvey claims he's a great chef, but his idea of cooking is turning on the microwave. I asked him how he makes spaghetti, and he said, "Well, you cook the sauce, and the noodles just... watch." I think Harvey missed a step there.
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You know you're in for a wild ride when Harvey starts a sentence with, "I had this crazy dream last night." Last time he shared a dream, it involved flying pigs, a talking banana, and him winning the lottery. I think Harvey's subconscious is an amusement park.
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I have a friend named Harvey who insists he's an expert in multitasking. I saw him trying to juggle a phone call, texting, and eating a sandwich all at once. Let's just say, Harvey's sandwich had a conversation of its own.
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Harvey thinks he's a master of disguises. He once tried to sneak into a costume party wearing a bedsheet, claiming he was a "ghost writer." Needless to say, the only thing haunting about his costume was the lack of creativity.
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Harvey's the kind of guy who thinks "assembly required" means hiring a team of professionals to put together his IKEA furniture. He's got a bookshelf that's been in the process of assembly for the past six months. I think the instruction manual gave up on him.
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