17 Handymen Jokes

Puns

Updated on: Apr 23 2025

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How does a handyman answer the phone? 'Ahoy, this is Repairman Jack!
What did the hammer say to the screwdriver? 'You really nail it!
What's a handyman's favorite dance? The electric slide!
What's a handyman's favorite type of movie? Anything with a great twist!
Why don't handymen ever get lost? Because they always follow the stud-finder!
What's a handyman's favorite type of music? Tool tunes!
What do you call a handyman magician? A wrench-wizard!

Handyman Confessions

I asked my handyman how he got into the business. He said, Well, I always loved fixing things as a kid. You know you're destined for this job when you find joy in assembling IKEA furniture without cursing at least once. I told him that's a special kind of superpower.

Handyman Therapy

My handyman is not just a fixer of things; he's a therapist for my appliances. I caught him once patting my refrigerator and saying, There, there. Your ice dispenser may be stuck, but you're still cool inside. I think my appliances are emotionally healthier than I am.

The Handyman Chronicles

You know you're getting old when you have a list of handymen on your speed dial instead of your favorite pizza places. I used to have a guy for leaks, a guy for squeaks, and a guy for mysterious odors. I basically had a whole Avengers team for household chores.

Handyman Time Warp

Handymen operate on a different time zone. They tell you they'll be there between 8 am and 5 pm. It's like playing a game of hide and seek with your plumbing issues. And don't even get me started on We'll call you 30 minutes before we arrive. It's more like We'll call you when we're already parked outside your house.

Handyman Renaissance

Handymen are the unsung heroes of our time. They're like modern-day knights, armed with screwdrivers and plungers instead of swords. I'm just waiting for the day they start having jousting matches with power drills. It would be the most epic home improvement show ever.

DIY Dreams

I tried to be a handyman once. I picked up a wrench, stared at a leaky pipe, and said, You and me, we're going to dance. Long story short, the leak won. I realized my true calling is calling the actual handyman. Some dreams are better left un-socket-wrenched.

Handyman or Handy-Can't?

I hired a handyman once to fix a leaky faucet. He came in, looked at it, scratched his head, and said, You know, they say a dripping faucet is just the plumbing's way of crying. I'm thinking, Great, now my plumbing has emotional issues.

Toolbox Mysteries

I peeked into my handyman's toolbox the other day. It's like a magical portal to another dimension. There are tools in there I've never seen before, and I'm convinced some of them are just props to make me feel like I'm getting my money's worth. Oh, you've got a leak? Let me just use this mystical crescent wrench that's been passed down through generations.

DIY Disasters

I tried fixing a leak in my ceiling once. Emphasis on tried. I ended up creating a water feature in my living room. I guess my house wanted a touch of modern art. Now I have a Picasso-inspired wall, thanks to my failed attempt at DIY.

The Handyman Whisperer

I swear handymen have a sixth sense. They walk into your house, take one look around, and start diagnosing problems like a medical professional. Ah, yes, your toilet has a case of the Monday blues, and your kitchen sink is going through an existential crisis.

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