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You ever have that friend who's always late but comes up with the most creative excuses? That's Eli for you. One time, he showed up an hour late, and I asked him what happened. He said, "Sorry, got stuck in traffic on the other side." The other side? Eli, we're not talking about a parallel universe here; we're talking about the freeway. And it's not just regular excuses with him. Oh no, Eli takes it to a whole new level. He once told me he was delayed because he had to wait for a ghost to finish using the bathroom. Really? I didn't know ghosts had to go. I mean, who's haunting the bathroom?
I told him, "Eli, if your ghost friend is causing you this much trouble, maybe you should get him some ghost fiber or something." He just laughed and said, "You'll understand when you have spectral roommates." I don't know, Eli. I'm pretty happy with my human roommates who don't leave ectoplasmic messes in the kitchen.
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Eli's got this unconventional diet he swears by, and let me tell you, it's not for the faint of heart. He said, "I only eat food that ghosts have passed through." I was like, "Eli, are you trying to turn into a human Ouija board?" He claims it's a spiritual experience, but I think it's just an excuse to avoid cooking. I asked him what's on the menu, and he goes, "Well, last night I had ghost pepper tacos." Ghost pepper tacos? That's a whole new level of spicy. I can handle a jalapeño, but I draw the line at food that requires a paranormal waiver.
I tried to convince him to eat regular food, you know, stuff that hasn't been touched by the supernatural, but he insists that it's the only way to truly connect with the afterlife. I'm thinking, Eli, if the afterlife is so concerned about your diet, maybe they should send you a meal plan from the beyond.
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Eli fancies himself a bit of a matchmaker, but his dating advice is, well, otherworldly. He once told me, "If you really want to impress someone, take them to a haunted house for your first date." Yeah, because nothing says romance like a ghostly figure popping out of a dark corner. I tried explaining to Eli that most people prefer a candlelit dinner, not a séance. But he insists that the key to a person's heart is through ghost stories and spooky ambiance. I'm starting to think Eli watched too many romantic comedies with a supernatural twist.
I can just imagine Eli on a date, pulling out a Ouija board and saying, "Let's ask the spirits if we're a match made in heaven." Newsflash, Eli, most people want a connection, not a spectral intervention. But hey, if you ever need dating advice from the beyond, Eli's your guy.
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You know, I have this friend, Eli. He's the kind of guy who always seems to have something up his sleeve, and I don't mean that metaphorically. One day, I asked him what his secret was, and he goes, "I can't tell you, it's a ghost secret." A ghost secret? Really, Eli? I didn't know we were in a Scooby-Doo episode. I mean, I've heard of secret societies, but secret ghost societies? That's a whole new level. And it's not just that. Eli is so mysterious that even Siri can't figure him out. I saw him talking to his phone once, and Siri said, "I'm sorry, I can't provide information on the afterlife." I was like, "Eli, are you getting insider ghost tips from Siri now?" Maybe he's got Casper on speed dial, who knows?
Seems like every time I hang out with Eli, it's a paranormal adventure. I half-expect him to introduce me to his invisible friend one day. I'll be sitting there like, "Nice to meet you, Mr. Ghost. You want some popcorn?" Eli, the only person I know who has a haunted housewarming party.
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