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Hey, everybody! So, I was reading the news the other day, you know, trying to stay informed. And I come across this headline that says, "Dems Russia collusion not working." I mean, what a shocker, right? I feel like they've been trying to make that happen for, like, four years now. It's like watching a sequel to a bad movie that nobody wanted. I picture some Democratic strategist in a room somewhere, scratching their heads, going, "Why isn't this working? We even had a special counsel investigation and everything. Maybe we should've hired Russian bears juggling vodka bottles – that might have caught people's attention!"
You know you're in trouble when even collusion can't collude properly. It's like they hired the worst wedding planner ever. "Oh, you wanted a scandalous affair? Sorry, we only do low-level gossip and lukewarm controversies."
And you can imagine Putin on the other side, just shaking his head, going, "Come on, guys, step up your game. I can't do all the heavy lifting here. I've got shirtless horseback riding to do.
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You know, maybe the problem with Dems Russia collusion is that they're not following the recipe. I can see them in the kitchen, fumbling through the Collusion Cookbook like, "Wait, did we forget the secret ingredient – the kompromat spice?" And then there's that awkward phone call to Russia, like, "Hey, we were supposed to collude today, right? Did you pick up the borscht and the hacking tools?"
It's like they're trying to cook up a scandal, but they keep burning the evidence. Maybe they need a celebrity chef to help them out – Gordon Ramsay, yelling, "This collusion is so raw, it's still in the WikiLeaks!"
In the end, maybe the Dems just need to accept that collusion isn't their thing. They should stick to what they know – political debates, awkward handshakes, and coming up with new slogans that rhyme. "Dems 2024: We Can't Collude, But We Can Rhyme!
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So, the Democrats and Russia – it's like a failed Tinder date. They swiped right hoping for some spicy collusion, and all they got was a bot that kept sending them conspiracy theories. "Hey, baby, you up for some election interference tonight?" It's like they were expecting a political love story, but instead, they got ghosted by collusion. Maybe they need to update their dating profile: "Seeking foreign interference for a good time – must love hacking and be comfortable with long-distance propaganda."
I can see the Democrats sitting at home, refreshing their inbox, going, "Come on, Russia, send us a message. We're waiting." And Russia's just out there, playing hard to get, like, "Oh, sorry, I've got plans with Ukraine tonight. Maybe next election cycle.
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So, this whole Dems Russia collusion thing – it's like a long-distance relationship that's just not working out. You've got the Democrats in the U.S., sending signals across the globe, and Russia is, what, ghosting them? Maybe they need a couples' therapist, someone like Switzerland – neutral territory, you know? I can picture the therapy session now. The therapist asks, "So, what seems to be the problem?" And the Democrats go, "Well, we want collusion, but Russia won't commit. It's like they're seeing other countries or something."
Therapist: "Have you tried sending more sanctions? Maybe spice things up a bit."
Democrats: "We've tried everything – sanctions, accusations, even a few strongly-worded tweets. Nothing seems to work."
Therapist: "Maybe you need to rediscover the things that brought you together in the first place. Remember the good old days when you both hated the same guy?
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