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I was shuffling a deck of cards the other day and thought, "This is the closest I'll ever get to being a Vegas dealer." I mean, the only thing I'm dealing with in real life is a stubborn jar of pickles. No one tips me for that, unfortunately.
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A deck of cards is like a tiny, rectangular fortune teller. You shuffle, pick a card, and suddenly you know your destiny for the day. "Ah, the four of spades. Looks like I'm destined to binge-watch my favorite TV show and ignore all responsibilities.
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Have you ever played card games with kids? It's like playing poker with a bunch of tiny, unpredictable psychics. You try to bluff, and they just stare into your soul and go, "Mommy has a pair of sevens, doesn't she?" How do they do that?
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You ever play a card game with someone who takes it way too seriously? It's like, calm down, Karen, it's just Uno. It's not the World Series of Poker. Although, now that I think about it, Uno could be a pretty intense sport if you add a few more rules.
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A deck of cards is a lot like my wardrobe – lots of options, but I always end up going with the same comfortable ones. And just like my wardrobe, there's that one card at the bottom of the deck that's been missing for years. I'm convinced it's hanging out with my missing sock somewhere.
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Why do magicians always use decks of cards in their tricks? Is it some secret magician society rule? "You must have a deck of cards in your hand at all times." I tried pulling a rabbit out of my hat once, but all I got was a confused cat and a deck of cards.
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You ever notice that shuffling a deck of cards is the most satisfying non-productive thing you can do? It's like the adult version of playing with Legos. You feel accomplished, but in reality, you just wasted 10 minutes of your life.
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I bought a deck of motivational cards once. You know, the ones with inspiring quotes and positive messages. But every time I drew a card, it was like, "Believe in yourself!" and I'm like, "I just wanted to know if I should order pizza tonight.
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You know, a deck of cards is the only place where two redheads can get along – the hearts, of course. But let's be real, in real life, getting two redheads to agree on anything is like trying to shuffle a deck of cards with oven mitts on.
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You ever notice how a deck of cards is like the original social network? You've got your kings, queens, jacks – basically the OG influencers. But then there's that one joker everyone tries to avoid. Yeah, we've all got that one friend who's the joker of the deck. You never know what they're gonna do, but it's bound to be entertaining.
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