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Has anyone else noticed that when you find a dead cat, suddenly everyone becomes an animal behavior expert? People passing by were like, "Oh, I think it's playing dead. Maybe it's just a really convincing Halloween costume for cats.
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People started avoiding the sidewalk, as if the dead cat had put up its own "Do Not Cross" tape. I was tempted to create a chalk outline around it, just for dramatic effect. You know, make it look like a feline crime scene.
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I tried to look on the bright side and told myself, "Well, at least the cat won't be scratching up anyone's furniture anymore." Silver lining, right?
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I decided to give the cat a proper farewell, you know, a cat funeral. But then I thought, "What if this cat had a nine-lives clause? What if it just resurrects during the ceremony, and we have a 'Pet Sematary' situation on our hands?
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The irony is that right across the street, there was a sign advertising a new pet grooming service. I thought, "I guess they've got a unique approach to customer acquisition: 'Step 1: Find a dead cat. Step 2: Come on in for a pet makeover!'
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So, I'm standing there looking at this poor cat, and I can't help but think, "Well, that's one way to have a catnap." Seriously, who needs a cat bed when you've got the entire sidewalk?
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You know you've entered the twilight zone when you're googling "proper etiquette for encountering a dead cat." Turns out there's no Emily Post guide for that one.
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I called animal control, and they asked me all these serious questions, like I was a cat detective. "Sir, can you describe the cat's fur pattern?" I'm like, "Well, it's a bit flat right now.
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You ever notice how when you find a dead cat on the street, you instantly become CSI? I was out there with a magnifying glass, pretending I knew something about forensics. I even took a dramatic pause and said, "Looks like Mr. Whiskers met foul play. Someone fetch me a tiny detective hat.
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