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You ever notice how Criss Angel can make an elephant disappear, and I can't even find my car keys in the morning? Maybe he should consider a career in locating lost items.
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Criss Angel's dramatic pauses during his tricks are longer than my attention span in a staff meeting. I'm waiting for a card to reappear, not contemplating the meaning of life.
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I saw Criss Angel levitate on TV the other day. Now, I'm not saying it's not impressive, but can he do that during rush hour traffic? That's the real test of supernatural abilities.
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Criss Angel is the only guy who can make you question reality while simultaneously making you wonder if your grandma is hiding a deck of cards up her sleeve. "Is this your card, or did I just uncover a secret family talent?
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I watched a Criss Angel show where he walked through solid glass. Meanwhile, I'm still trying to master the art of walking through a crowded room without awkwardly bumping into everyone.
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You ever notice how Criss Angel always looks like he's about to reveal the secrets of the universe, but instead, he just pulls a rabbit out of a hat? I thought I was attending a magic show, not a biology lesson.
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Criss Angel's hair always looks so perfectly styled, even in the midst of his mind-bending illusions. I can't even get my hair to stay in place during a light breeze, let alone a teleportation trick.
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Criss Angel has this intense stare like he's seeing into another dimension. Meanwhile, I struggle to maintain eye contact during a conversation without looking like I'm plotting to steal someone's fries when they're not looking.
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You know you're in for a wild ride when Criss Angel starts a trick with, "Now, don't try this at home." Like, buddy, I wasn't planning on escaping from a straitjacket while hanging upside down in my living room, but thanks for the advice.
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