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You know you've been in quarantine too long when you start negotiating with your houseplants. "Listen, if you grow just a little faster, I promise I'll remember to water you regularly. Deal?
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You know, during the peak of the pandemic, I never thought I'd be standing in front of a mirror arguing with myself about whether wearing pants for a Zoom meeting was absolutely necessary. Turns out, my definition of business casual has evolved into "business waist-up.
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Remember when the most dangerous thing you could catch from a computer was a virus? Now we're all walking around with hand sanitizer like we're secret agents protecting national security from our keyboards.
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Zoom meetings have turned us all into amateur detectives. You scrutinize everyone's background, trying to decode their personality based on the books on their shelf or the artwork on their walls. Forget "Where's Waldo?" – it's more like "What's on your bookshelf?
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I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure. Online shopping during a pandemic has turned me into the most hesitant buyer. I add and remove items from my cart like I'm playing a game of emotional Jenga.
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The grocery store has become a survivalist's dream. I go in for milk and come out feeling like I've just completed a strategic mission, successfully navigating through the maze of shoppers, dodging rogue shopping carts, and emerging victorious with a gallon of 2%.
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I've become so skilled at social distancing that even my microwave maintains a safe distance from me. I press the buttons like, "Come on, you can do it from over there. No need to get up close and personal.
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With all the handwashing and sanitizing, my hands have aged more than a president during their term. I used to have baby-soft hands; now they look like they've been through a rough handshake marathon.
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Ordering food during the lockdown feels like participating in a mysterious culinary adventure. You pick up the delivery bag like it's a treasure chest, hoping you've won the secret item: a perfectly intact order without any missing fries.
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