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We all have that one friend who's obsessed with counting calories, right? They're like, "Oh, I can only have 300 calories for lunch today." Meanwhile, I'm over here counting how many dreams I've crushed before noon. But seriously, who came up with the idea of counting calories? I want to meet that person and ask, "Did you also count the tears I shed while eating a salad?"
And let's talk about the gym. You walk in, and there's always that fitness guru who's like, "You need to count your reps, count your sets, count the minutes of cardio." At that point, I'm just trying to count how many excuses I can make to leave.
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I love how we're supposed to count on technology to make our lives easier. You know, like those voice-activated assistants. I asked mine to play some uplifting music, and it starts playing "Another One Bites the Dust." Thanks for the encouragement. And have you ever tried counting on autocorrect? It's like having that one friend who thinks they know what you're about to say. No, autocorrect, I wasn't trying to say "ducking." I know how to spell.
But the worst is when you're counting on your GPS to navigate. It's like, "In 500 feet, turn left." And you're there thinking, "Is it 500 feet in real life or 500 feet in GPS fantasy land?" Next thing you know, you're making a U-turn in someone's driveway.
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You ever notice how life is full of unexpected surprises? I mean, I was always told to count on certain things, you know? "Count on your friends," they said. But have you ever tried to count on that friend who's always late? Yeah, good luck with that. You're better off counting on the lottery numbers being the same every week. And don't even get me started on counting on technology. My phone's battery percentage drops faster than my motivation on a Monday morning. I can't count on it for anything. It's like, "Oh, you need directions? Sure, let me just die real quick."
So now, I've decided to count on the one thing that's always reliable - my dog. But even he has his moments. I'm like, "Buddy, I can count on you, right?" And he just looks at me like, "Depends on the treat you're offering.
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They say you should count on luck, but let's be real, luck is like that unreliable friend who shows up when they feel like it. You're sitting there waiting, and luck is probably stuck in traffic. And what about those people who say, "I'd rather be lucky than good." Well, I'd rather be good at counting on luck. Imagine if luck had a phone number, and you could just call it when you needed a favor. "Hey, Luck, it's me again. Yeah, I could use a winning lottery ticket right about now."
So, folks, the next time someone tells you to count on something, just remember, life is like a box of chocolates – you never know how many calories are in them, and you can't count on the GPS to find the gym.
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