17 Jokes For Count On

Puns

Updated on: Apr 05 2025

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What did the zero say to the eight? Nice belt! You can always count on me to notice a well-dressed number!
Why did the math book always feel confident? Because you could always count on it!
What do you call a dinosaur who can count? A Math-a-saurus!
I tried to make a joke about math, but I'm 2² it wouldn't be funny. I guess I can't count on my math humor!
I'm writing a book on anti-gravity. You can count on it being hard to put down!
I told my computer I trust it with all my secrets. It replied, 'You can count on me to keep them in the cache!
Why did the baker always have a successful business? Because he knew how to roll with the dough and count his cookies!

Count On Socks Disappearing

You can always count on one sock disappearing in the laundry. It's like my washing machine has a sock buffet, and it's only satisfied when it's a single, lonely sock left.

Count On Traffic Jams

I can count on traffic jams to turn me into a philosopher. Stuck there, I start questioning life like, What if the real journey is the standstill traffic we face along the way?

Count On Diets

Diets are like that friend who promises to stick around, but you can always count on them ghosting you. They're there for a week, and then suddenly, they vanish faster than my willpower around a chocolate cake.

Count On Chaos

You ever notice how life is like a toddler with a sugar rush? Just when you think you can count on things going smoothly, chaos shows up like, Hey, I heard you were getting too comfortable!

Count On Microwave Impatience

I can count on my impatience reaching a whole new level when waiting for something to microwave. Three minutes feels like an eternity. I'm standing there like, Is it nuking my food, or is it plotting world domination?

Count On Puns

You can always count on puns to be both the best and worst jokes. They're like the dad jokes of the humor world. Either you're laughing or rolling your eyes – there's no in-between.

Count On Murphy's Law

Ever heard of Murphy's Law? It's the idea that anything that can go wrong will go wrong. It's like the universe's way of saying, You thought you could count on things going smoothly? Think again!

Count On Sneezing in Public

You can always count on sneezing in public to turn heads. People look at you like you just performed a magic trick. Ta-da! I can make everyone uncomfortable with just one sneeze!

Count On My Phone Battery

I can always count on my phone battery to die at the most inconvenient moment. It's like my phone has a secret mission to embarrass me in public. Oh, you're lost in a sketchy neighborhood with 1% battery? Perfect timing!

Count On My GPS

I can count on my GPS to guide me, but it's got this passive-aggressive tone, right? It says, In 500 feet, turn left. Or don't. I'm just a voice in a box, what do I know?

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