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I heard the Cookie Monster is on the dating scene, and let me tell you, it's not easy being a single monster looking for love. His dating profile probably says, "Looking for someone who can handle my love for cookies and doesn't mind a little mess. Must love crumbs." Can you imagine going on a date with the Cookie Monster? "Hey, wanna grab a bite?" And then he devours the entire dessert menu. Romance is not dead; it's just in the form of chocolate chips. But you know he's a passionate lover. He probably whispers sweet nothings like, "You're the chocolate chip to my cookie.
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You ever notice how the Cookie Monster from Sesame Street is basically the Meryl Streep of cookies? I mean, this guy can put on a performance like no other. You'd think he's auditioning for an Oscar every time he takes a bite. And what's with the crumbs flying everywhere? It's like he's in the middle of a cookie explosion. I bet his dry cleaner hates him. But you know, I have a theory about the Cookie Monster. I think he's just misunderstood. Everyone gives him a hard time for being obsessed with cookies, but have you seen the rest of the characters on Sesame Street? Big Bird walks around in public talking to a Snuffleupagus that no one else can see. Now that's some questionable behavior right there. At least the Cookie Monster is honest about his love for cookies. Big Bird needs therapy.
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Can we talk about the late-night confessions of the Cookie Monster? I can just imagine him sitting in a dimly lit room, surrounded by cookie crumbs, staring into the abyss. "My name is Cookie Monster, and I have a cookie addiction." We all knew it, Cookie. We've seen the evidence. I bet the Cookie Monster has a secret stash somewhere, like a cookie bank. He's probably got Swiss cookies, Cayman Islands cookies – offshore accounts of deliciousness. And you know he's not paying taxes on those cookies. The IRS is going to catch up with him one day, and he'll be in cookie jail. Imagine that, a cookie prison break. "Tonight at 11, the Cookie Monster escapes from his cell using a trail of chocolate chips!
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I recently heard that the Cookie Monster is trying to get in shape. Yeah, apparently, he's on a new workout plan. It's called the "Cardio Cookie Crunch." It involves running on a treadmill while simultaneously stuffing his face with cookies. I don't know about you, but that's a workout plan I can get behind. I can just picture his personal trainer saying, "Okay, Cookie, one more mile, and then you get a whole box of Oreos." It's like the ultimate motivation. Forget protein shakes; this guy is powered by chocolate chip energy. I bet he's going to have the fittest hand in the puppet business.
So, if you see a blue furry monster on a treadmill at the gym, don't judge. He's just working on his gains – gains in the cookie department, that is.
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