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You ever notice how certain words just sound too sophisticated for their own good? Like "commensurate." It's one of those words that, when you hear it, you can't help but feel like you missed a memo on proper vocabulary. I was at a job interview, and they asked, "How do you plan to ensure your efforts are commensurate with the company's goals?" I nodded like I knew exactly what they were talking about. Inside, I'm thinking, "Is commensurate a synonym for 'I'll do my best' or 'I really need this job'?"
I didn't get the job. Maybe my qualifications weren't commensurate with what they were looking for. Or maybe, just maybe, they were looking for someone who knew what "commensurate" actually meant.
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Let's talk about comedy for a moment. You ever notice how comedians use words like "commensurate" to sound smarter than we actually are? I mean, I'm guilty of it too. I'll throw in a big word here and there, hoping the audience thinks I'm some linguistic wizard. But let's be real. My comedy is not commensurate with Shakespeare or anything. I'm not up here delivering soliloquies; I'm just trying to get a laugh. So, if my jokes aren't commensurate with your expectations, well, tough luck! Maybe I'll throw in a few more big words just to mess with you. Just kidding. Or am I? Commensurate confusion, my friends.
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Ladies and gentlemen, have you ever tried using the word "commensurate" in a sentence? I mean, who came up with that? It sounds like something you'd find in an ancient scroll or maybe a secret code for an exclusive club. I tried using it the other day. I was at a fancy restaurant, you know, the kind where they use words like "quinoa" and "artisanal" on the menu. So, I'm there trying to impress my date, and the waiter asks, "How would you like your steak cooked?" And I confidently reply, "Oh, medium-rare, please, and make sure the portion is commensurate with my sophisticated palate."
The waiter just stared at me like I had three heads. I guess my vocabulary wasn't quite commensurate with the ambiance of the place. Next time, I'm just gonna stick to "Well done, please, and can I get some ketchup?
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You ever try using big words in an argument with your significant other? Yeah, don't. I made that mistake the other day. We're having a heated discussion, and I thought, "You know what'll really drive my point home? The word 'commensurate.'" So, I look her dead in the eyes and say, "I just don't think your actions are commensurate with the level of commitment we agreed upon." She stared back at me, and for a moment, I felt like a linguistic genius. Then she said, "Commensurate? Really? Is that your way of saying I forgot to take out the trash?"
Lesson learned: In relationships, simple words are way more commensurate with successful communication.
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