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Why did the clock maker break the fourth commandment? He wanted to 'tick' off something from his bucket list!
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What do you call it when a gardener breaks the sixth commandment? Plant-slaughter!
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Why was the photographer worried about the ninth commandment? He couldn't 'focus' on just one thing!
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Why did the sculptor break the second commandment? He just couldn't 'carve' out time for it!
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Why did the fisherman break the first commandment? He wanted to 'cast' his troubles away!
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I met someone who's an expert at keeping the commandments. They said, 'I've got a 'divine' knack for it!
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Did you hear about the comedian who got a laugh while reading the Ten Commandments? He said it was a 'punch line'!
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Why did the grapevine break the seventh commandment? Because it couldn't stop spreading 'wine'formation!
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Why did the baker break the commandment against stealing? He just couldn't resist taking 'a little dough'!
Thou Shalt Not Covet...Unless There's a Sale
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Alright, so we've got these ten commandments, right? Classic stuff. Thou shalt not steal, Thou shalt not kill, you know, the basics. But my favorite one has got to be Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's goods. Like, who came up with that? Did Moses turn into a biblical Martha Stewart or something? Thou shalt not covet, but if thy neighbor has a killer TV on Black Friday, all bets are off!
Thou Shalt Not Steal... Unless It's Wi-Fi
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So, Thou shalt not steal. I get it, stealing is bad. But has anyone else been in a situation where your neighbor's Wi-Fi signal is stronger than your self-control? Oh, I'm just borrowing a cup of internet, you know, for the kids.
Thou Shalt Not Make Graven Images... Unless It's for a Meme
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Thou shalt not make graven images. But what if it's for a meme? I mean, we're living in the age of social media, and memes are the currency of the internet. I swear, officer, I didn't worship it; I just made it go viral.
Honor Thy Father and Mother... Unless They're on TikTok
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Honor thy father and mother. Classic advice, right? But what if your parents discover TikTok? Suddenly, they're dancing to trendy songs, doing the 'Renegade.' I'm like, Mom, Dad, please, you brought me into this world, don't embarrass me on the internet!
Thou Shalt Not Worship False Idols... Unless They're Pets
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Thou shalt not worship false idols. Fair enough, but have you met my dog? I'm pretty sure he's a deity in disguise. I mean, he demands sacrifices (treats), receives worship (belly rubs), and occasionally works miracles (finding the squeaky toy in under 10 seconds). Praise be to the furball!
Thou Shalt Not Kill... Your Plant, Even Though It Begs for Mercy
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Thou shalt not kill. We're all on board with that, right? But what about houseplants? They silently suffer on windowsills, begging for water, and I'm like, Sorry, little buddy, I'm not a murderer, but your wilting leaves say otherwise.
Thou Shalt Not Take the Lord's Name in Vain... Unless You Step on a Lego
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Thou shalt not take the Lord's name in vain. Totally get it, but have you ever stepped on a Lego in the dark? Suddenly, God becomes a verb, an adjective, and a cry for divine intervention. Lord have mercy, that Lego just declared war on my foot!
Remember the Sabbath Day... Unless There's a Netflix Marathon
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Remember the Sabbath day and keep it holy. Sure, I'll remember, but have you heard about this new show? Sometimes Netflix and chill just trump keeping it holy. Sorry, God, but 'Stranger Things' Season 4 dropped, and I've got some serious binge-watching to do.
Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery... Unless It's with Chocolate
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Thou shalt not commit adultery. Yeah, yeah, fidelity is important. But have you ever tried resisting a box of chocolates? I swear, that box of truffles is more tempting than a secret love affair. Honey, it's not cheating; it's just a sweet affair!
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