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Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's ox." Like, who's walking around the neighborhood thinking, "I gotta get me one of those oxen, they're killing it in the livestock game!" Imagine your neighbor catching you, "Hey, is that my ox in your backyard?!" Awkward.
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Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain." And thus, the first-ever attempt to curb casual blasphemy. You stub your toe, and instead of yelling, "Oh, God!" you had to come up with some creative alternatives like, "Ah, fudge cakes of heavenly displeasure!
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You ever notice how the Ten Commandments are basically the first set of terms and conditions? I can imagine Moses up there on Mount Sinai scrolling through a heavenly scroll, thinking, "Do I really have to read all this, God? Can't you just give me the TL;DR version?
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Thou shalt not bear false witness." In other words, no fake news in biblical times. Can you imagine them dealing with rumors? "Did you hear about David and Bathsheba? It's all over the cave paintings!" Fake news, guys, fake news.
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Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy." The original Sunday Scaries. God is like, "Chill, relax, binge-watch some celestial Netflix. I did create the universe in six days, you know?
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Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image." So, no selfies? No Instagram? Imagine Moses on the mountain trying to snap a pic of the burning bush – "Hold on, God, let me get the right filter for this miracle.
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Thou shalt not commit adultery." The original "swipe right" – or is it left? I can never remember. Moses must have been the first relationship counselor, holding the stone tablets and saying, "Now, remember, folks, thou shalt not wander outside the covenant.
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Thou shalt not kill." The original anti-murder PSA. "Hey, Cain, put down that rock. We don't do that here. It's not a vibe.
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Thou shalt not steal." Well, unless it's someone's Wi-Fi. We've all been there, parked outside a friend's house, trying to connect to "PrettyFlyForA WiFi.
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