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Ever notice how church folks can make the sign of peace during the service feel like a high-stakes poker game? You're never sure if you're going in for a handshake, a hug, or an accidental slap on the face.
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Have you ever noticed that the more "amens" a preacher gets, the longer the sermon becomes? It's like they have an applause-o-meter, and they're not leaving until it hits an 11.
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Church folks have this incredible ability to turn any conversation into a subtle competition of who's the most virtuous. "Oh, you volunteered at the homeless shelter? Well, last week, I adopted a highway. Literally.
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The unwritten rule of church parking lots: the closer you park to the entrance, the more righteous you must be. I swear, the guy with the reserved spot by the door is practically a saint.
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Church announcements are like a spiritual game of telephone. By the time they reach you, Sister Anderson's bake sale has transformed into a skydiving retreat to find the Holy Grail.
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Church fashion is a unique art form. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the latest trend: Sunday best meets runway chic. Who knew that hats could be both a fashion statement and a potential hazard to the person sitting behind you?
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Have you ever tried sneezing in the middle of a silent prayer? It's like trying to discreetly set off fireworks during a meditation retreat. Suddenly, everyone's attention is on you, and you've become the unexpected star of the show.
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You ever notice how church folks have a special radar for the one person not singing during the hymns? It's like they have spiritual sonar, and the moment you go silent, they shoot you a look that can raise the dead.
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Church potlucks are like culinary roulette. You never know if Sister Johnson's casserole will transport you to heaven or if Brother Smith's mystery meat will have you praying for a stomach of steel.
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