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You know you're an adult when a "checkup" goes from being a friendly reminder from your parents to an annual appointment where a stranger pokes and prods you like you're a human science project. "Hey doc, I didn't sign up for this level of adulting; I just wanted a sticker and a lollipop!
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You ever notice how a checkup turns into a confessional? The doctor asks about your lifestyle, and suddenly you're confessing your love for midnight snacks and your secret talent for procrastination. "Yes, doc, I am the undisputed king of avoiding responsibilities.
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The doctor told me I need more exercise during my last checkup. So, I've decided to incorporate more "reaching for the remote" into my daily routine. I mean, it's basically yoga for couch potatoes, right?
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My doctor told me I should get more sleep, and I couldn't agree more. But between Netflix, Instagram, and the existential dread that hits at 2 a.m., my pillow and I have a complicated relationship.
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The doctor asked if I have a family history of heart disease during my checkup. I said, "Well, my family history involves a lot of love, laughter, and a tad too much cholesterol. But hey, isn't that what makes life interesting?
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My doctor told me to watch my drinking, so now I drink in front of a mirror. I figure if I can handle that guy, I can handle anything. Health advice 101: always trust the reflection.
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I recently had a health checkup, and the doctor asked me about my exercise routine. I said, "Well, doc, I do a lot of scrolling through my phone. Isn't that thumb workout enough? It's practically an Olympic sport.
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After my checkup, the doctor handed me a pamphlet on healthy eating. I'm pretty sure it was just a subtle way of saying, "Stop considering a pizza a vegetable and try something green for once.
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Ever notice how during a checkup, the doctor is always typing on the computer? I'm starting to think they're secretly updating their Facebook status. "Just examined another perfectly average human today. #LivingTheDream
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