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Big muscles are like a secret society. They have their own handshake, which is just a really complicated way of flexing. I tried it, and now my chiropractor won't stop calling me.
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I saw a guy with huge muscles drinking a protein shake, and I thought, "Is that how you water those things?" I mean, do you just pour protein shakes on them, and they grow overnight like some weird fitness Chia Pet?
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People with big muscles love to flex in the mirror. I tried it once, but my mirror just looked at me and said, "Are you sure you're not looking for the guy next door? He's the one with the membership at the gym.
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Have you ever tried to open a pickle jar after a workout? Big muscles are great until you're in the kitchen, struggling with a jar like, "I just wanted a snack, not an arm wrestling match!
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I saw this guy at the gym with muscles so big, they had their own area code. I asked him if his biceps ever get lonely, and he said, "Nah, they're in a committed relationship with each other.
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I asked my friend with big muscles for fitness advice, and he said, "Just listen to your body." So, I tried it, and my body said, "Please, for the love of pizza, stop doing squats.
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People with big muscles always say, "Do you even lift, bro?" And I'm like, "Yeah, I lift my spirits when I find a parking spot near the entrance of the grocery store.
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You ever notice how guys with big muscles never have regular-sized problems? Like, I stub my toe and it's the end of the world for me, but Mr. Biceps over there just flexes it off like, "Toe? What toe?
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Big muscles are like the superhero cape of the fitness world. I put on my gym clothes, and it's like I'm wearing a mild-mannered reporter's outfit. But Captain Lift-A-Lot over here puts on a tank top, and suddenly he's ready to save the world from weak biceps.
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