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Why did the award go to school? It wanted to be outstanding in its field!
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Why did the trophy go to therapy? It had too many issues with self-esteem!
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I used to be a baker, but I couldn't make enough dough. Now I'm in the awards business - much kneaded!
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Why did the trophy break up with the medal? It needed some space for personal engraving.
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Why did the trophy blush? It saw the other awards undressing with their ribbons!
I won an award for 'Best Reaction to Awkward Silences.' Spoiler: I made it even more awkward.
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I won an award for 'Best Reaction to Awkward Silences.' They handed it to me, and there was this weird silence. So, I decided to break the silence by saying, Well, this is awkward. Let's just stand here quietly for a few more minutes to fully appreciate the moment. It was a meta-awkwardness level; I took it to a whole new level.
I got an award for being the best procrastinator. The ceremony was postponed six times.
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I received an award for being the best procrastinator. The ceremony was postponed six times. They were like, And the winner is... next month. No, wait, make that the month after. Oh, just send it by mail; we'll get to it eventually.
I won an award for multitasking, but I was too busy to attend the ceremony.
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I got this award for multitasking, but honestly, I was too busy to attend the ceremony. Irony level expert! They were like, And the winner is... and I was like, Sorry, I'm on another call, can you just FedEx it to me?
I won an award for Most Likely to Forget Where They Parked. Spoiler alert: I lost the award.
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I won an award for Most Likely to Forget Where They Parked. Irony hit its peak when I lost the award. I was like, Okay, it's either in my car, at home, or maybe I left it at the grocery store next to the avocados. I swear, I parked somewhere around avocados.
And the Award for Most Misplaced Confidence goes to... My Scale!
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You ever notice how your scale at home thinks it's hosting the Oscars every morning? I step on, and it's like, And the Award for Most Misplaced Confidence goes to... My Scale! For thinking I lost weight after that one salad yesterday.
I got an award for 'Best Impersonation of Someone Productive' during Zoom meetings.
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I got an award for 'Best Impersonation of Someone Productive' during Zoom meetings. You know, the one where you're in your pajamas, but your upper half is business casual. They said, For the commitment to looking professional from the waist up, you deserve this virtual trophy.
I received an award for 'Outstanding Achievement in Overthinking.' The acceptance speech was intense.
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I got an award for 'Outstanding Achievement in Overthinking.' The acceptance speech lasted longer than the entire event. I was like, I'd like to thank my brain for never taking a break, my anxiety for keeping me on my toes, and my inner critic for always finding creative ways to ruin a good night's sleep.
I got an award for being the most indecisive person. Or did I?
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I got this award for being the most indecisive person. Or did I? They handed it to me, and I was like, Wait, do I really want this? Can I exchange it for something else? I'm telling you; it took me hours to decide if I should display it or not.
I received an award for napping. My parents call it 'Wasting Potential.'
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I got an award for napping. Seriously, they gave me a plaque that said, Outstanding Achievements in the Field of Napping. My parents call it 'Wasting Potential.' I call it 'Mastering the Art of Horizontal Productivity.
I won an award for my stellar dance moves. My cat disagrees.
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I won an award for my stellar dance moves. Well, at least that's what I thought until I saw my cat's expression. I was dancing, and he was giving me this look like, You call that a two-step? More like a one-and-a-half step, human!
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