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I received an award for "Excellence in Avoiding Small Talk." The acceptance speech was just me silently nodding while people congratulated me on my achievement.
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I got this award the other day, and I'm not bragging, but it was for "Most Improved Couch Potato." Apparently, my dedication to perfecting the art of lounging didn't go unnoticed.
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I got an award for "Most Creative Use of Emoji in Texting." Turns out, a well-placed laughing-crying face can diffuse any awkward situation, especially when you accidentally text the wrong person.
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I recently won an award for "Exemplary Patience in Dealing with Slow Wi-Fi." I'd like to thank the buffering circle for testing my limits and my cat for keeping me company during those trying times.
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Ever notice how getting an award feels like winning the lottery, but then you find out it's just a participation trophy? I was expecting a golden statue, not a reminder that I tried.
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So, I got an award for "Mastering the Art of Selective Hearing." My family thinks I can't hear them when they call me for chores, but put a bag of chips opening from three rooms away, and I'm there in a heartbeat.
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You know, I recently got an award for "Outstanding Achievement in Procrastination." I would have accepted it sooner, but, you know, I kept putting it off.
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Got an award for "Surviving Zoom Meetings Without Pants." The real skill is not just in attending virtual meetings but doing it with style, or the lack thereof.
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I won an award for "Best Performance in Pretending to Work." My boss said I deserve an Oscar for my convincing typing sounds while actually just browsing cat memes.
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