18 Asults Jokes

Puns

Updated on: Aug 14 2025

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I asked the librarian if they had any books on paranoia. She whispered, 'They're right behind you.
Parallel lines have so much in common. It's a shame they'll never meet.
I told my wife she should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a big step forward.
I told my computer I needed a break. Now it won't stop sending me Kit-Kats!
I'm reading a book on the history of glue. I just can't seem to put it down!
Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
What do you call a belt made of watches? A waist of time.
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!

Asults in the Workplace

I love how corporate life has its own special language. Instead of saying, Your idea is terrible, we say, It's an interesting approach. In the business world, asults are just passive-aggression dressed up in a suit and tie.

Asults and the Dating Game

Dating nowadays is like a game of asults. You try to impress someone with your charm, but it quickly turns into a verbal sparring match. It's like, Hi, nice to meet you. By the way, your choice in appetizers is as questionable as your taste in life partners.

The Asult Olympics

I heard they're introducing a new sport in the Olympics - asults. Finally, a chance for athletes to compete in the 100-meter eye roll and the synchronized sigh. It's about time we give credit to those who excel in the art of verbal gymnastics.

Asults in the Age of Autocorrect

Have you ever tried sending a well-crafted asult, only to have autocorrect turn it into a compliment? I told my friend he was an unbearable bore, and autocorrect changed it to unBEARably adorable. Thanks, technology, for turning me into a sarcastic Cupid.

The Art of Asults

You know, I recently took up a new hobby - the art of asults. Yeah, it's like insults, but with an 'A' for added sophistication. Because nothing says highbrow like offending people with a larger vocabulary.

Asults at Family Gatherings

Family gatherings are like a masterclass in asults. Oh, you're still single? Well, Aunt Mildred, at least I'm not on my fourth marriage. It's the only time of year when the insults are served with a side of mashed potatoes.

The Gentleman's Guide to Asulting

I've been reading this book called The Gentleman's Guide to Asulting. It suggests wearing a top hat and monocle while telling someone their taste in music is more questionable than their fashion choices. Classy, right? Now I just need to find a monocle that won't keep falling into my drink.

Asults Yoga

I tried out this new fitness trend called Asults Yoga. It's all about stretching the truth and finding balance while throwing shade. It's the only workout where your chakras align when you perfectly execute a well-timed burn.

Asults Therapy

I started going to therapy to work on my asulting issues. My therapist said, Instead of saying, 'You're an idiot,' try saying, 'I admire your commitment to alternative perspectives.' So now, I'm not insulting you; I'm appreciating your unique brand of stupidity.

Asults Anonymous

I attended an Asults Anonymous meeting the other day. It's a support group for people trying to quit asulting others. We sit in a circle and take turns saying something nice about the person next to us. It's like a therapy session, but with more backhanded compliments.

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