4 Jokes For Arms Dealer

Standup-Comedy Bits

Updated on: Jul 08 2024

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You know, I was thinking the other day about the term "arms dealer." What a job title, right? I mean, imagine introducing yourself at a party, "Hi, I'm Dave, I'm an arms dealer." Cue awkward silence and people inching away slowly.
But you know what's even more bizarre? How do you even get into that line of work? Do they have a career counselor at school going, "Well, you're good at negotiation, you have an eye for detail, I see you becoming an arms dealer"? Like, what's the interview process for that job? "Oh, you aced the negotiation simulation, but your marksmanship was a bit off."
And let's not even start on their business meetings. I can't imagine it's like, "Hey, Bob, how's the family? Oh, and by the way, can I interest you in a couple of tanks and a crate of rifles?
I wonder if there's an arms dealer's etiquette guide. You know, like, how to negotiate a deal while maintaining eye contact and not accidentally setting off a missile. Or maybe they have a book on proper thank-you notes for receiving a shipment of tanks.
And imagine their version of "bring your kid to work" day. "Honey, today you'll learn about the importance of diversifying your artillery portfolio!"
But seriously, do you think they have a customer loyalty program? "Buy ten missiles, get a free grenade!" I mean, who knew weapons dealing had its own version of a rewards card?
I wonder what an arms dealer's family reunion is like. You've got Uncle Frank showing off his new rocket launcher in the backyard, Aunt Sally swapping recipes for homemade explosives, and grandma reminiscing about the good ol' days of smuggling.
And family discussions must be something else. "So, Billy, what do you want to be when you grow up?" "I'm thinking astronaut." "No, no, that's too safe. How about international arms trafficker? We have a great health plan!"
I bet their family reunions are the only place where the phrase "let's arm-wrestle" takes on a whole new level of intensity.
I wonder, do arms dealers have their own version of a fashion line? You know, instead of Gucci or Prada, it's AK-47s or rocket launchers? I can just picture it: "This season, camouflage is really in. And for the discerning arms dealer, we have a new line of bulletproof suits for those high-stakes negotiations."
But seriously, imagine an arms dealer fashion show. Models strutting down the runway, showcasing the latest in tactical gear and firearms, and instead of a catwalk, it's more like a "cat-crawl" because they're all decked out in body armor.
I can see it now, fashion critics saying, "Yes, this grenade belt is a bold statement piece, really brings out the danger in your eyes.

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