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I'm convinced bosses have a manual on how to use corporate jargon. They drop terms like "synergy" and "innovative solutions" without having a clue about what they actually mean. It's like a secret language meant to confuse us into obedience.
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Bosses love meetings. It's their way of making sure we're all equally confused. If you ever feel too confident about your job, just attend a meeting with your boss, and suddenly, you'll question your entire existence.
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Ever notice how bosses have this superpower of disappearing when there's work to be done? It's like they have a secret teleportation device that activates as soon as they see a spreadsheet or a stack of papers.
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You ever notice how bosses are like weather forecasters? They predict your workload for the week, promise sunny days, but by Wednesday, you're knee-deep in a storm of emails and deadlines, wondering if you should have packed an umbrella for your cubicle.
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My boss asked me to put in extra hours because it's for the success of the company. I told him, "If my success is directly linked to the number of hours I spend at my desk, we might need to redefine success.
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Why do bosses always schedule team-building exercises during lunch? Are we building a team or a sandwich? Because I've got some killer ideas for the latter.
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My boss told me to have a good day. So, I went home. I mean, if the boss says it, it must be a direct order, right? I'm just following instructions.
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I asked my boss for a raise, and he said, "Let's discuss it during your performance review." Translation: "Let's discuss it when pigs fly, and the office coffee machine starts brewing actual motivation.
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I love when bosses use the phrase "team building." It's like, we're not building a team; we're just trying not to collapse under the weight of that last team-building exercise you forced us to endure. Trust falls? More like trust-fail, am I right?
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