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Why did the soldier go to art school? To learn how to draw his weapon with precision!
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Why did the young soldier become a chef? He wanted to make a killing in the kitchen!
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I asked my army buddy if he could make me breakfast. He said, 'Sure, but it might be a little shell-shocking!
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Why did the army recruit bring a calendar to basic training? To keep track of all the days he'll be marching!
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Why do young men in the army make great comedians? They have the best drill jokes!
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Why did the young man in the army bring a ladder to the bar? Because he heard the drinks were on the house!
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I asked my army buddy if he's good with technology. He said, 'Yeah, I can make a tank top!
Communication Breakdown
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These young men in the army are trained for combat, but can we talk about their communication skills? They've got a whole alphabet of acronyms. I'm convinced they're not speaking English; it's just a secret military code. I asked one guy for directions, and he responded with, Head east on the MSR until you hit the FOB, then watch out for IEDs. I felt like I needed a translator and a GPS to find the nearest Starbucks.
Basic Training Blues
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You ever notice how young men in the army all start looking the same after basic training? It's like they went in as individuals and came out as part of a human camouflage experiment. I mean, congrats on becoming one with the olive green, guys.
The Art of Camouflage
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I asked a soldier about the art of camouflage, and he said, You need to blend in with your surroundings. So now, whenever I see a bush, I instinctively check if it's packing an M16.
Sleeping Bag Struggles
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Young men in the army are trained to sleep anywhere, anytime. I tried that once in a sleeping bag at home. Let's just say my chiropractor got a nice bonus that month.
Sergeant GPS
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In the army, they say the sergeants are like human GPS systems. If by GPS, they mean Generally Pointing South, then yeah, they're spot on.
Bootcamp Confessions
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I met a guy fresh out of boot camp, and he told me, I've learned discipline, resilience, and how to make a bed in under 30 seconds. I thought, Wow, I've mastered hitting the snooze button five times before rolling out of bed. Close enough, right?
Uniform Fashionistas
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Have you ever noticed how soldiers manage to make combat boots and camouflage look somewhat fashionable? I tried wearing camo once, and people just thought I was auditioning for a role as a potted plant in a low-budget action movie.
The Mystery of MREs
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I was talking to a young soldier the other day, and he was trying to explain the magic of MREs (Meals Ready-to-Eat). He said, It's like opening a surprise box every meal! I told him, Dude, I've had surprise parties, but never have I been surprised by a chicken stew that tastes like regret.
The Silent Drill Team
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Have you seen the silent drill team in the army? Those guys can execute a perfect drill routine without making a sound. Meanwhile, I can't even open a bag of chips without the whole room knowing about it. I need them to teach me the art of sneaky snacking.
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