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The Drill Sergeant
Balancing Tough Love and Hazing
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Drill sergeant told me to drop and give him 20. I asked if I could make it 10 push-ups and 10 compliments. Apparently, "Your haircut is very intimidating, sir!" doesn't count.
The Rookie Soldier
Navigating the Minefield of Military Jargon
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In the army, they said I'd get to travel the world. So far, I've been to Fort Lost-in-the-Woods and Camp Where-the-heck-are-we-stan. I didn't sign up for this kind of global exploration!
The Army Cook
Turning Rations into Gourmet Meals
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I tried to spice things up in the mess hall by adding some flavor to the MREs. Now we have a black market for hot sauce, and I'm the Pablo Escobar of condiments. Who knew hot sauce could be contraband?
The Army Barber
Keeping Soldiers Groomed in the Middle of Nowhere
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My clippers ran out of battery during a soldier's haircut. He said, "Just leave it, I'll call it the 'Halfway through Afghanistan' look." It's the latest trend, apparently – asymmetry with a touch of military flair.
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